How To Love Your Husband when you don't feel like trying

How To Love Your Husband when you don’t feel like trying

Remember that song 50 ways to leave your lover…sometimes I wish it was 50 ways to love your husband. It got me thinking about “real” love and how we practice that in our daily lives.

There are countless ways to leave, our society often encourages that– but I challenge you to find ways to stay. To revisit how to love your husband, even if you don’t feel like trying anymore.

Creating ways to love your lover that are unique to your relationship is worth the effort!

Some stuff is obvious. So obvious, we neglect doing it in its simplicity. Start now.

The harder stuff? Can I challenge you to make it relevant to your own life?

I’m super passionate about making a marriage work. And it is work. And joy. And just about every other descriptive word there is.

Regardless of how strong you are, in time, a scenario will come that will shake you. Test you.

Problems create a tendency to take it out on each other. Let’s fight against THAT, not each other.

If God gifted you with a loving partner, celebrate that! Invest in it.

How to Love Your Husband with simple starts

So what are some doable action steps that you can start with today? Consider these ideas that seem small, but are life-changing in a marriage! Not easy, but simple. And most of all, powerful.

Smile at each other, every day. Sincerely. We get enough frowning from the rest of the world
Stop complaining about the little things
Dress to captivate your lover’s eyes once in a while. Ditch the daily routine of ratty t-shirts to bed and add something sexy
Learn your partner’s love language, act on that knowledge
Be loyal, in all circumstances
Never be afraid to say you’re sorry. It’ll go a long way
Welcome them home at the end of a long day with a lingering hug
Invest in date nights. Bills will always be there, but the time together is not guaranteed
Pray for each other. Ask what they are worried about…
Quit badmouthing them in jest to your friends. I am so weary of hearing people bash their significant to friends, only joking, of course. Really? Would you like to be the recipient of such humor?
On that note, stop hanging out with friends who constantly do this. Find friends that are invested in loving their mates. You’ll encourage each other
Snap casual photos of everyday life, to remember that life is in the moments, not just the big things

Love your husband in unexpected ways

Ask their opinion, without inserting your own
Treat their family with respect, even if they don’t deserve it
Take off your mom hat and let your husband remember the woman he married
Husbands, leave work at work and treat your wife with high esteem
Ditto for wives, don’t let work rule over love
Surprise them by doing one of their dreaded chores
(Mom, close your eyes) Remember that movie Fried Green Tomatoes where the wife met her husband naked at the door wrapped in Saran wrap? Try it, with something a little more practical. Or nothing at all. They’ll thank you for it
Incidentally, women? Men are not likely to be focusing on your self-perceived bodily flaws. Really
When money is tight, stop shopping. I know plenty of people whose spouses are stressed about finances, but they still keep racking up the charges, large and small. I have done this myself and it just isn’t worth it
Tell them what you need, specifically. They can’t read minds, and it isn’t fair to expect that from each other

Love your husband in the small things

Go out of your comfort zone. It might wind up being fun. At the very least, it is a generous act of love
Keep small things small, and choose your battles with a long-term perspective
Laugh today. Check out some funny comedians or a silly movie
Superwoman, take off the outfit. Sit down next to your lover. My husband used to complain I’d never stop moving. I learned to stop (now I can’t get up Jk)
Brag about them in front of your friends. It is nice to be celebrated
Find your own interests. It is a great gift to your relationship, and to yourself
Practice compromise. There is no perfect, but there is pretty awesome
Hold hands again
Dream together. Reality squelches our outrageous plans, but practice thinking large again
Parents love those kids well. Women especially tell me that they struggle to let go of resentment to husbands who neglect the kids but then want to snuggle their wives later
Hang on when hard times come, don’t push away. This is easier said than done, granted, but so worth it
Let your spouse enjoy their own friends and occasional nights out without nagging
Every day won’t be great, leave room for sucky days. That is normal
Ditch the guilt trips
I know this one will rattle some notions, but pull yourself together more often! After decades, I have a gift for slacking here. I love to air dry my hair (not a good look with short, wavy hair. At all. He told me. Something about it naturally parting down the middle and sticking out 2 inches on each side) Add that to my repulsion at the idea of throwing out my old sweats and t-shirts. What feels perfect, looks pretty lame. Even I can see that. So, I am working on spending the extra whole five minutes to throw on some simple makeup and blow dry my hair
Wear your wedding ring. Am I the only one who takes it off and nights and forgets to put it back on?

Love your husband in practical ways

Display some sort of totally unexpected form of affection
Tell your kids frequently how much you adore their other parent, and live it out. We can influence how they love their own future spouse
Wait until they are asleep to tell them the important stuff. Just kidding. I’m a master at this. Do it while they are awake and can give you the attention you need
Pack up the pity party. Holding grudges is a slippery slope and gets you nowhere except being the only one at the party
Work on your issues. We all have them, right? If you have anger management or shopping addictions or porn issues that are ruining your marriage, get help
Relive the glory days. Stop and remember how far you’ve come together
Make new memories. Don’t let the old ones be all you have left
Let go of the idea of perfection
Look in your spouse’s eyes every day and say I love you
Thank your lover for something as often as possible. Especially for the everyday stuff, like working at a job they hate to pay the bills
Instead of criticizing, look for ways to build up each other. Be a refuge and their biggest fan in this crazy life
Forgive, forgive and forgive again. “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”- 1 Peter 4:8

What is your favorite (even unconventional) way to show love to your “other”?

P.S. While I am clearly a big advocate for working out your marriage (I’ve seen amazing turnaround on the impossible-seeming situation!) that doesn’t mean this advice applies to ALL marriages. If you are married to someone who abuses you, whether physically, psychologically, or emotionally? Get help, and if you need to, please get out for your safety ♥