Becoming Who You Are Meant To Be- Part Two

(*Make sure to go check out Part One here, to understand where this post is headed)

So there I was, facing an impasse. Imagine running, running, running as fast as you can and then slamming on the brakes before you hit the wall that you didn’t see right in front of you.

That’s where we’ll pick up today, at the wall…

 Anytime we try to be good enough, I am pretty sure we’ll eventually crash and burn.

It just isn’t sustainable.

I began to notice a pattern several years ago, when the whole word of the year theme became popular.

First came the year of “Trying”

You know this year, don’t you? Where you do everything in your power to make things “work”?  I understand we feel that things might fall apart without our efforts. It isn’t true.

Stop the madness of being on the run and withdraw, please.

I know it is hard.

That is why we try too hard. The year that led to the Trying time? It was brutal.

The sun was setting on the life we’d worked hard for. We were moving on.

The next year was devoted to “Listening”

I invite you to withdraw for a season, it’ll be ok. Only in the margin can we be free to just listen. To hear without answering back.

My season of listening was forced upon me with a deep bout of depression. The loss of dreams. It was difficult and lonely and frustrating. In the midst of that I had children to love and a husband who needed my support. Those joys kept me going, always pushing forward.

I knew I was setting an example. Yet, I was often overwhelmed.  Confused .

This was the hardest part of the Listening Time, but the edge of the darkness was lit by brilliant sunshine.

I was starting to see, I didn’t need to try so hard to be enough.  Maybe I was enough just because of who I was created to be?

Regardless of our past, God is already working to make something beautiful out of the old.

Isaiah 43:18 Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.

The following year was about “Time”

I spent an entire month creating a book of how I spent my time, versus how I wanted to spend it. New dreams were forming and I wanted to see how I could make them fit.

Things had to be let go.

Isn’t that hard for us? The letting go? Gain confidence in politely but firmly saying NO. People-pleasing brings NO joy comparable to GOD pleasing.

Mathew 5:37 Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’

I understand how hard it is to struggle with new dreams.

Perhaps you, like me, wanted to make sure to enjoy each day. Or family doesn’t support you, or the dreams seem too big. I invite you to take a bold step and evaluate your time.

So, who are you meant to be?

Be brutal with extraneous stuff that doesn’t belong to who you are becoming.

It is not always easy, and you might be misunderstood. Don’t stop, and don’t take your eyes off Jesus. This is critical during the season when we are seeing a new path ahead.

For me, this began as a picture, recognition of me.

Through depression and belief that if people really knew me, they’d run and that I was never enough. But I, through the work of the past years, really saw her.

And I liked her. Finally.

I saw who God had created, without the warped lens of humanness.

She (Hagar) gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me” 

God sees me. He sees you. And learning to see ourselves as He does will be life-changing.

 Prepare to be amazed at who you really are.

Last, was labeled “Finally”

New dreams took their wobbly steps.

I tried new things and uncovered beautiful healing pieces, like the release of body image issues and bitterness and my deepest shames.

This blog? I felt God instructing me to go up and down mountains and share transparently with others. To teach hope, inspire, celebrate creative living, and challenge old ideas.

Who me? Maybe… no, definitely

All the pieces of who I am, and have always been became clear.

Those pieces have been there, always. I just didn’t see the puzzle. Writing has given me an outlet to probe those deep questions that have always haunted me, wrestle ideas with God and know that He is ok with that, those questions. And I wrote.

An understanding of letting go of dreams, and being surprised with new ones, develops clarity. I often don’t “want” to write about my topics, but I trust Him.

The power of response to my obedience to God is humbling and exhilarating. Last year was hard work. Hard lessons. And worth every second of embracing “Finally”.

I am considering carefully as I head into a new year. This year? It’s all about becoming brave. What will it be for you?

Have you ever considered devoting time to seasons in this way?

***We’ll wrap up this series with the end of the story…you’ll be encouraged. Make sure to check out post three!

Resources to help you:

The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For?

Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life

The People Pleaser’s Guide to Loving Others without Losing Yourself 

Boundaries: when to say yes, how to say no to take control of your life

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