To the depressed Christian-10 Practical Ideas To Cope

For the depressed Christian-10 Practical Ideas To Cope

This question came to me via email, by someone who came across my blog. She was looking for help-

My question for you, and what I find myself struggling with, is how exactly do I let God deal with it? This is what people say in the Christian community, and I’ve prayed over and over and He hasn’t dealt with it. Am I doing something wrong? How did you really give Him your depression so it could be healed?

I am humbled that you felt safe to ask me for some guidance here. I hope the words that come will offer at least a little comfort.

I’ve no formal training, no professional background to be clear. Just one woman’s story. And 10 practical ideas to help cope with symptoms of depression.

 Depression makes people feel desperate. Alone. Failing. Defective. 

When this question came to me, I thought long and hard about how to answer. How to not offer empty promises and jargon that just brings us back to the place we started from.

Without direction.

Is it wrong for Christians to feel depressed?

No.

Feeling depressed is so much different than true clinical depression. Unless they have direct experience, however, many are unable to understand the difference.

Are you putting on a smile so the world might be fooled?

Think you are losing your mind because you can’t “outthink” this struggle? Confused by conflicting theories about getting well? Embarrassed by those who would say this is a pathetic plea for attention?

You might just feel desperate, looking for the way to a healthy state of mind. You want answers, hope. Someone you care about might be drowning and you want to help but don’t know what to say.

What not to say to someone who is depressed

  1. I know just how you feel.  We don’t know just how someone feels. Let’s not insult them by saying we do. We can have empathy, understand the feeling of despair, but we don’t know “just” how anyone feels, and when we say we do, we trap them into speechlessness. Because it becomes, mistakenly, now about “us”
  2. Hang in there. Perhaps the least helpful words of all. What does that mean? For a person with true depression, that is all they are trying to do. And it is not working. Empty words rob people of hope. They know you have no idea how to help them, and they might now feel bad to bother you with their struggle. We mean well, but depressed people don’t understand that fully, because they so badly want someone to understand
  3. God will take care of you (but I won’t).  These words are meant to be encouraging but often fall short. “How, exactly, can I receive this help from God?” they might think. And when they don’t see the answer, sadly they might misinterpret that to mean He didn’t care about their plight

depressed christian quotes

How to encourage someone who is a depressed christian

  1. I’m sorry. Empathy without answers is okay. With these simple words, we let people know that we sincerely care about their situation
  2.  I won’t give up on you. Depression causes fear that if anyone knew how “___” we were, they would walk out our lives. Reassure you are here for the long haul, but that doesn’t mean be an enabler. To walk alongside someone means we look for real, applicable ways to help  
  3. You are valuable, right now…no matter what.  Depression blinds people to the countless other areas of value, their eyes are fogged in and they need to be reminded of their worth. Not as they were, or will be, but today

 This is what people say in the Christian community, and I’ve prayed over and over and He hasn’t dealt with it. Am I doing something wrong?

I am a Christian. I love the community of faith, and when the model of Jesus’ love is lived out as He taught, it is a beautiful thing to witness. As in any community, people come from all walks of life. Background.

encouragement for depressed christian quotes

How should a Christian deal with depression?

Something troubles me, though. We forget that we are different and attempt to answer all questions in a set format. Christians are people, and sometimes we blow it.

There is a school of thought that teaches we should just think positive thoughts, and focus on Jesus. The end.

If our faith is strong enough, we might hear, then we will be healed. To this, I loudly say, bull.

Those principles are indeed important and part of a healing process, but something is missing in my eyes. Compassion. Have we forgotten that Jesus was an example of great compassion?

Before he said “Go and sin no more (go and be sad no more)” was he not already filled with understanding?

It is too generic to say to someone, “Just pray and God will heal you”. Sometimes He does, but this advice leads us to believe that we have failed somehow if we don’t see results.

ENcouragement for the depressed christian

When we don’t see the answers:

1. God might just be using your trials to form the person you ‘ll become

2. He might have answered, but in a way we weren’t expecting. So we miss it. Doesn’t mean it didn’t happen

Don’t see results?  Don’t give up on prayer. The most beautiful things can come out of the most difficult situations. I am just a human being, and could not tell you if you are doing something “wrong” dear reader, but I can advise you do something right.

Keep praying…then, LISTEN carefully for His response. We often forget that important piece.

How exactly do let God deal with it? How did you really give Him your depression so it could be healed?

Let me share something with you here, ridiculously vulnerable, but I know you are not alone in your question. When I began the struggle with depression, I wanted a way out.

An ending. A step by step answer to life a nice happy life. Real help.

That isn’t how it works.

We can’t buy an answer, beg a solution, get to where we are going without a journey.

10 Practical Ideas To Cope With Symptoms Of Depression

  1. Accept this– things won’t all make sense to you in the midst of your battle, but keep fighting.
  2. No one can do the work for you. And it will take HARD work, but the result can change your life. It will be worth it.
  3. Sometimes we give God our problems and take them back. So we give, we take back. Learn to recognize your patterns and set yourself up for success. (1 Peter 5:7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you)
  4. We can become weak and vulnerable when we give God our troubles and don’t fill up that space with powerful new ideas.
  5. Be very careful not to fall into a pit of self-pity. Depression is real, it is hard, but it isn’t the end. Refuse to live as a victim and fill your life with joy at every possible turn.
  6. Keep learning. Get help from a reputable Christian counselor. There are tons of great counselors that are not faith-based. The difference is key here. One might encourage fighting the battle by your own works. One will remind you that though you must fight, God is the one who heals. He fights with, before and behind you.
  7. Study the Bible. Learn where the encouragement is; focus on those verses on the dark days. One thing I appreciate most about the Bible? It is filled with stories of people who struggled. Who blew it. Who questioned any and everything. There is nothing we deal with that is new or surprising to God. He isn’t afraid of our pain, our questions, our failed attempts. Those words are given to teach us, comfort us, call us close to Him.  (James 4:8 Come close to God, and God will come close to you)
  8. Be careful who you surround yourself with. Remember that when we surround ourselves with like-minded people, we are influenced by their views. Be it positive or negative. I can’t state this strongly enough.
  9. If you need medicine to get you through while you are learning and living, there is NO shame in that. Riles me up to hear that false information. True, some use it as a crutch, not willing to do the work. For others, it is a life-saving tool. Only you know what is right for your health.
  10. Be willing to be accountable. If you ask for help, and someone is genuinely helping you seek answers, be thankful. Sometimes accountability stings. Extend the same grace you hope to receive.

I gave God my struggle

Yes, I did give God my struggle. As a mom, a wife, a friend, a person plagued with chronic illness? I had plenty to give over.

But it was not an overnight healing. It involved much self-discovery, letting go of perfectionism, and hard work to become who I am today. And I am still growing.

You will too. It is a beautiful thing to “become” who you are. You can do this; just remember to fall into the arms of your partner. God.

matthew 11:28-30 quotes

Remember, I am NOT a professional, and I encourage you to see one if you are fighting depression. Just one woman, sharing her story.

**Please share this today. We all know someone who is struggling. I ask you for a favor, readers, if you know someone who can use this…forward it to them.  If suicide is even on the mental radar, I beg you to stop. I promise things pass, read this for help

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37 Comments

  1. Christa, I know this must have been a difficult post to write, but you have just sent a true life-saving tool out to those who need it so much! I love the compassion and lack of any condemnation whatsoever you have expressed here. Just beautiful! I will be sharing this.
    Susie

    Reply

  2. Wow… I can tell you really put your time and care into this, it shows. Very powerful. I have never had depression, nor anything super traumatic, happen to me. So, no, I don’t know how people in that situation would feel. But I can say one thing, I know people who have gone through this, and are going through this (depression) … and I’ve never really known how to help them. Because I personally haven’t gone through it, it can be very challenging to convey how we want them to get better and live in a healthier state, and I know that I have said the wrong things to certain people dealing with a tough situation before not knowing how it sounded, or how they felt when hearing it.

    This post is helpful for BOTH people struggling through depression, and those of us who are trying to help but just don’t know how.

    So, thank you for caring and taking the time to bridge the gap between those suffering, and those trying to help.

    ~Devani

    Reply

    1. Devani, what an encouraging end to a difficult post to write. Your words reminded me it was worth it to be brave

      Reply

  4. Christa, you write so well about depression, with such compassion and good solid information. I shared to Facebook as I know this is a topic that affects many, many people. I agree with everything you said, also want to reiterate that for someone who is really going through serious depression, it is not wrong to take medication. You don’t have to plan to stay on anti-depressant or anti-anxiety drugs your whole life, but they can be an absolute life saver when you are going through the worst of it, I know this from my personal experience with depression.

    Reply

  5. I’m going to come at this from a different angle. God gives us emotions for a reason. Obviously, a person can tell there’s something wrong. Sins that we fail to acknowledge or confess can also disrupt our spirit. It doesn’t need to be major, but it’s something the Lord wants us to deal with. Left unattended it can evolve into a spiritual cancer that can take away our joy. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of seeking God’s face and asking him to reveal any sin in our life (see if there be some wicked way in me). Please don’t think I’m directing this to the reader. I just think this is an area that Christians many times fail to consider, including myself.

    Reply

  7. I have been processing this post for the last couple days, and two things have really stuck out to me.

    1. The part about us doing the fighting and God doing the healing-I think I’ve had the opposite perception of this for a while. I want God to fight for me while I heal myself. It doesn’t work like that.
    2. Self-pity. This is a confusing place to be, because you want to have empathy for yourself, but there is a very fine line between empathy and pity. I guess it’s not a textbook answer but something to navigate as part of the journey.

    Thank you Christa for your candid words and insight. They really resonated.

    Reply

  8. This is beautifully written and something that so many people need to hear! I’ve shared it on my facebook page and hope many more see it!

    Reply

  9. I have depression and have up and down days. I am also currently unemployed, which makes it difficult. Your article is what I needed to read today because it has given me the strength and support I need to move forward for myself.

    Mathew 11:28-30 Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.

    The love of God working through people like you is a wonderful thing. Thank you for being my angel today.

    Reply

    1. Grace, what a comfort to hear that you were encouraged today. Thank you for taking the time to share that

      Reply

  10. Just because I don’t hold myself out to be a Christian counselor doesn’t mean I am not able to effectively counsel Christians. #6 seems so self -righteous! Even the Jehovah Witnesses recommend clinically trained and licensed professional. I actually counsel pastors of all faiths except Southern Baptists as they tend to keep their counseling amongst themselves.

    Reply

    1. Heather, I am glad you weighed in. Always good to hear different opinions.
      Let me clarify my meaning on #6- I didn’t mean anything to be self righteous, indeed, I say there are “tons of great counselors that are not faith based.”

      I believe that a counselor who can help a Christian (the question was from someone who specifically asked me to answer from that perspective) remember that God is the one who heals, will have a chance to increase their faith by seeing Him in the journey. A non “Christian” counselor doesn’t make them an ineffective counselor. But for someone who is seeking an answer to a faith based question, it makes sense that a counselor who shares that faith, would understand the intricacies of their need on a different level.

      Thank you for contributing to the conversation, especially from the stance of someone in the field.

      “6.Keep learning. Get help from a reputable Christian counselor. There are tons of great counselors that are not faith based. The difference is key here. One might encourage fighting the battle by your own works. One will remind you that though you must fight, God is the one who heals. He fights with, before and behind you.”

      Reply

  12. Christa, your words here are life giving! So many times we Christians fail to have the thing people need most, compassion. We can gain all the head knowledge and gain victories and somehow forget the painfully long journey to the breakthrough. Being on both sides of this issue, your words reminded me again of the days of darkness I struggled through and somehow lost sight of after God’s deliverance. Thank you for your practical, loving, life-giving words!

    Reply

  13. Christa,

    What a helpful post. My husband struggles with clinical depression. It has taken so much energy at times. And when he’s not doing well I always face the fact he could choose to hurt himself, or worse. He has made the attempt. His father was successful in his attempt. I’m sure your post will resonate with many. Thanks for sharing it.

    Reply
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  15. Christa! This is amazingly insightful. As you know, I have battled depression at different times in my life. I love your words of wisdom and compassion. I especially appreciated “One Woman’s Story”. Thanks for sharing and being an encouragement to so many. May we all be inspired to not give pat answers, but to truly be there for ones we love. Presence can be such a wonderful gift, more than we sometimes realize. And personalizing God’s word is a powerful tool to recovery.

    Reply

  16. Me again! I just wanted to let you know that I bookmarked this post, and reference it often. It has helped me tremendously. Thank you so much for writing it!

    Reply
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    1. Hi there Amanda, what sweet words to hear! I am grateful God spoke to you with this post…be blessed on your journey

      Reply

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