20 important things in life I want my daughters to know

20 important things in life I want my daughters to know

Have you seen the social media topic about 20 things I’d tell my 20-year-old self? As women with a bit of life experience, we know that the list could never be compacted into a mere 20 things!  However, as a mother of young women, I listen to their stories. And I wondered, “what would have been helpful to know then?” Here are a few of those lessons…

Things that I fervently hope they will tuck away into their hearts and be guided by.

Lessons that I learned the hard way. Powerful truths that I wish I had known back then. You likely have a few precious things you’d add to the list as well. Please do, in the comments.

The mentorship of a woman who has walked ahead of us is a treasure we risk taking too lightly.

Shared wisdom is our privilege, so let’s pour into our younger counterparts.

20 important things in life I wish I knew when I was young

• You are already enough- changing and growing is important, but at your core? You are enough, right now. Created in God’s own image. Your worth is not defineable by someone else, whose words try to edge out your value
• God is the only safe place- it is common to seek out a harbor that is free from danger. We might find those things in measure physically, but our heart is safe in God’s hands. My whole adult life I chased this feeling, this hope. But nothing is certain with our finances, our home, our direction. His comfort is where we find hope and healing and protection from uncertainties
• Don’t “do guilt”- ugh. this one, so important. People will try and manipulate you, often without even meaning to, as you head through life. Dumping baggage that doesn’t belong to you. Refuse it. That doesn’t mean to not change your behavior for example if you hurt someone. Instead, it means to not let other people’s brokenness become the burden they want you to carry

 

• Talk to yourself with kindness- understand the power of our words, even and especially to ourselves. You wouldn’t tell a beloved friend she is fat, ugly, worthless or stupid…right? Don’t ever, ever talk to yourself that way either. Train yourself to replace unkind words with grace-filled speech in your own head. You are deserving, right now
• Let go of the lies- those words we just talked about? They are often rooted in words that someone else said to us. Things that wounded us, yet somehow we have replayed instead of rejected. Fight this with all your energy. Value yourself as God sees you
• Change is the one sure thing- live with anticipation, not expectation. There are so many variables out of our control. That is ok, and in the future will often show itself to be the best thing! In the moment, however, it is easy to get caught up in disappointment when things don’t stay in ways that comfort us. Life throws us curveballs, friend groups change, etc. BUT those changes can be wonderful when we practice going with the flow and letting go of the perceived control we so desperately desire

• Debt is slavery- when I was 18 I had every store credit card and even an American Express. I also had zero training in fiscal responsibility or budgeting. It turned out pretty badly. Life threw us so. many. financial disappointments. Some debts were stupid choices, some were medical and nothing to do with choices. They all had the same effect. Proverbs 22:7 tells us the borrower is a slave to the lender. How true this is! Freedom is not yours when the paychecks belong to someone else. Live in as much wiggle room as you can manage.  (as a side note, living on one income would still be the one exception we felt was worth is for raising our kids. Another post… 😉 
• Value time with your family as one of your highest things in life-they are irreplaceable but so easy to take for granted. Never assume that next week, next year that time will come. Prioritize them now, they are treasures. Call your grandparents, come home to your parents for dinner, make sure your sister knows she is your most valued friend. These relationships are foundational, and if blessed with a loving family, celebrate it heartily
• Try new things- jump out of the box and do new things. Hobbies only come when we take the first step. New fun is to be had when we stop living in our comfort zone

• Be a leader not a follower- I used to think a leader meant someone who gets on a stage or organizes a group. Leading is so much more than that, it is the ultimate influencer. Appreciate what others are doing, but don’t compare your life to theirs. Everyone has a sphere of influence, people are watching you because YOU are influential in the way you live. Set an example and instead of “liking” someone else’s life, live your own and encourage people to live well also
• No one knows who they are yet- this is super important! Women spend time looking at their peers and thinking other people have it all together. Truth= they don’t.  Some people might have a clearer idea of who they are because they have done the soul searching to find direction. But the secret? I know tons of women who are grown, really grown, who still wonder who they really are. Enjoy the process of learning… embracing each piece as you find out more about you. Refuse to ever beat yourself up though for being on the journey (because you are in good company)
• Guilt and conviction are not the same thing-  OOoh girl! Condemnation is not a thing for you any longer! Romans 8:1 promise us. Guilt is a feeling, a useless feeling at that. We feel bad, but it doesn’t prompt change. Conviction is an action-spurring emotion says, “Hey, turn around and move on from this!” Guilt is a prison, conviction is a principle
•  You don’t own the world’s problems- be as kind as you can, but empathy and being a doormat are two very different things. One is healthy and one is not. Study up on codependency and detachment if you need more help in this area. Empathy is a powerful gift that allows us to give generously of our spirit in a comforting way. Sometimes, people who are not healthy themselves take advantage of this. You can’t fix them, it isn’t your job. Set boundaries that allow you to be kind AND strong
• You and your partner benefit from your own identities- be united and as one…but a healthy relationship allows trust and encouragement to do things you enjoy alone too. Many people in a relationship think that love means giving up everything you enjoy because the other person tells you this is true. It isn’t. (That can border on “control”).  When I go pursue an art class or my husband plays a basketball game, we come home refreshed. It doesn’t detract from our relationship, it enhances it because we are pursuing those things that balance out who we individually are created to be. That is good and healthy…and fun. Don’t give up all of who you are to balance out someone else
• Find a community that embraces, instead of mocks, your values-  the moral compass you have is a good gift. Don’t let the ignorance of others detract you from what you believe. Good friends will always lift you up, not try to change who you are
• The loudest person is generally wise in their own eyes- it doesn’t make what they say true. Search out truth, don’t listen to soundbites. Make your own decision, don’t be bullied by the people who love to let you know how informed they are. True wisdom is communicated through calm and rational discourse. By sharing experiences— and people who are really wise? They listen well…as much, or more, as they talk. Choose that over being pressured by the one who loves to hear their own voice

• Say goodbye to toxic people- boundaries are amazing and you will never regret the time investment towards understanding them. Sometimes we think we can help/fix people by being a good friend when they are chronically negative, or always in need. That isn’t your job  (refer to suggestion #3).  If you are even remotely empathetic (I’m a high HSP and empath) then toxic people can be joy suckers. Again, always be kind, but some people don’t want to change and do the work to find happiness. Surround yourself with a core group of people who are life-giving, not stealing
• The past doesn’t define you- so you made mistakes, lived a lie, had sex you wish you hadn’t etc. That is your past, not your future. We have ALL, every woman alive, made mistakes. Please, I beg you to let this go. Move forward with positive behaviors, learn from the past lessons, but don’t ever believe that those choices get to define who you are. Every day is a new chance to start over
• We are on a journey, and we never missed our chance- sometimes we wonder if it is too late, for something great. The answer is NO, because we are never done growing. It might not have been the right season yet, but we can always anticipate a new direction. Based on the skills we are still learning!
• Forgiveness is a lighter load than bitterness- whew, girls. We all have “something”, right? A pain that is deep and wide. That my friends is too heavy to carry. Your world is so much broader than the chains of bitterness. I know, I’ve been there. And carried those things far too long into adulthood. Forgiveness isn’t for “them” it is for you, a gift of peace that God wants to give that will restore you. It is hard, and sometimes we need to choose forgiveness again and again. And it is worth it, every time

Living your best life

There is lots of hype about living your best life. What does that really mean?

Love well. Seek peace, follow the Lord’s commands (because they are FOR you, not about rules). It’s the best way you could ever live. That’s where freedom is found. 

Life is a wild and exciting ride. Enjoy the journey of an imperfect and wonderful adventure.

P.S. Still in the midst of parenting teens? This article is for you!!!!  Click here

Resources for mothers

• The Better Mom Devotional: Shaping Our Hearts as We Shape Our Homes
• 5-Minute Devotions for Mom
• Not Just A Mom: The Extraordinary Worth of Motherhood & Homemaking 
• How to Celebrate Everything: Recipes and Rituals for Birthdays, Holidays, Family Dinners, and Every Day In Between
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