5 lessons from making marriage work

5 lessons about making marriage work

It’s Valentine’s day and I am alone. For the first time in 21 years, there is no one besides me in the house.

And it’s okay. It is giving me time to rest from sickness, and really stop to think about our story of love.

Our girls have launched into their own adventures, stories that are unfolding into unknown chapters, that feel exciting and new. I do miss them today; making every holiday special was something I treasured doing for my family ♥.

My husband is gone on a business trip, and I admit that was a struggle. So, instead of a pity party, I am using the day to reflect on the love that was hard-won and cherished.

The love I have for my children is fierce and eternal. Natural. An easy joy.

Yet, the love I have for my husband? It is sweet, a different kind of gift.

One that didn’t always come naturally. That was born through passion and determination and struggle.

What makes a good marriage?

This man and I, we are the story of those who shouldn’t have made it.

This man and I, we started as young and rebellious teens, incapable of grace, yet full of grit.

This man, has become a person of integrity that people look up to. That his family adores.

This man, loves me, the girl who turned into a woman who is capable of engaging in a healthy and devoted relationship.

But it was not always this way, and if you are in a position today of feeling frustrated in a marriage? You are not alone, and things can get better!

5 lessons I’ve learned from making this marriage work

It doesn’t have to be 100% wonderful to be 100% worth it- Is there a relationship on earth that is without challenge? Marriage can receive an unfair amount of expectation that it be perfect.

Fairy tale romance that we imagined as little girls. The fact is, we know that relationships are hard. Extend grace to each other as you learn to navigate the rough seas of love

Imagine the reality of the “what-ifs”- Many years ago, I had to play the whole thought process out. If I left, what that would really look like. In the immediate, the long term…I could never imagine having him out of my life forever. Thankfully. Every monumental ride on the learning curve benefited our relationship and every other aspect of our lives

Learn to fight fair- Perhaps the hardest part of marriage? I’ve written a whole article about that here. It is easy to assign past hurts to the current situations. Or sometimes blame our mate for things that really aren’t true.

Think carefully about words, they can be apologized for, but not so easily forgotten. This was probably the hardest lesson I’ve had to learn over the years

Look for the good-Ditch the fantasy guy in the card commercials. I’d much rather have a husband who will wash the dishes for me, my most hated chore, or check out scary noises in the night. Who generally overlooks my unnecessary vintage book purchases, and doesn’t complain when I forget to make dinner. Again.

For years I fell victim to commercials and advertisements and felt disappointed by my hubs “clear” lack of romance. Even though the other 364 days of the year, I was really happy just to be by his side as his bestie

Invest where your love is needed- If a relationship had truly irreconcilable differences, there is still SUCH a need for love. Consider the power of unexpected acts of service, of affection, to people who are lonely.

There are so many in a season of desperate need for YOUR love. Think outside the box. For example, today a friend knew I was alone and sick. She had brought me a gift of fresh cinnamon bread to celebrate. She wanted me to feel special and loved, and I did

Valentine’s Day is a much happier time when approached without expectations.

So today, I celebrate this gift of a man whom God has blessed me to walk alongside with on our journey.

My partner is kind and loyal. The kind of person who has few words, but when he speaks? They are thoughtful and wise. He is funny and makes me feel safe. And he, like myself, is working to really understand what the other person needs.

Even after all these years, there is much to learn.

He’s the best husband I could ask for. Is he perfect? No more than I am. Yet, we are perfect for each other.