Let go of the expectations of others and get your peace back

I’m just doing the best I can, she thinks, as her cheeks glisten with each drop of disappointment that trails from her eyes. Will it ever be right? Enough?

Oh, the heavy weight of trying to meet other’s expectations!

We spend so much of our time hearing contradictory messages of everything someone else thinks we should do.  Considering all the qualities someone else thinks we should have.

Wincing from the guilt that someone heaps upon us when we don’t meet their needs, another supposed should.

 The pressures of the world hit fast and hard with the ripple effects of trying to be perfect.  

Recognize any of these “should” consequences?

• • Guilt induced paralysis over the best option

  • Overwhelming confusion over the simplest choices

  • Consistent blank stares when we are asked basic questions

  • Speedily passing hours with minimal accomplishment

Life is too valuable to allow our time and efforts to be dictated by the burdens of things that are not our responsibility-or even our desire.

How do we recognize the expectations of others?

We all likely have recurring responsibilities, relationships that need tending, finances that need adjusting, children that need raising, and hopefully…dreams that need investment.

Our margin gets crowded and we become crippled with indecision. With overwhelm.

People are only too happy to step in and give us advice on what we should do. To be fair, we usually appreciate the wisdom and counsel of those we love!

But, there is a slippery slope between considering our situations…and being shackled by the pressures of what isn’t meant for us to carry.

Should (verb): used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions. Also, used to indicate what is probable.

Our lives are full. Do we really want someone else defining our duties and obligations?

The obvious answer should be no…yet we easily find ourselves in that trap because we weren’t proactive in deciding to deflect the shoulds.

Let’s look at some practical questions to ask ourselves when choosing how to best spend our time.

Coping with the expectations of others

1.Have you prayed about this before I asked someone about this?  Friends have great advice, but we often unintentionally allow our own experiences to shape that advice. God doesn’t, he consistently gives the best advice we’ll ever get

2. Have you been realistic when considering what to add to your schedule?  There are many good, good things we can be doing. But, we can’t be MORE passionate about this, too many activities steal our peace.

Our time becomes someone else’s and we are slaves to commitments we didn’t want            to really take on. We are not the only ones who can “do ______”

3. Have you established boundaries to protect your peace? We aren’t meant to be greedy with our time, but even Jesus took time away to find restoration and a bit of quiet. That margin is where we can breathe deeply, look at things with a big picture view, and fill our cups back up

4. Have you figured out what matters the most for yourself? Grab a pencil and spend 1/2 hour just putting down what really is important to you.  Make note of specific gifts, goals and dreams and decide that they are worth pursuing!

We are created to do amazing things, but if we allow the shoulds to decide where our time goes, those important things unintentionally get pushed to the backburner. We can be busy with real life AND determine to protect those personal intentions

5. Have you developed a barrier to protect your home from the shoulds returning?  This is an ongoing quest my friends. Because we have hearts and kindness and responsibility? We tend to leave ourselves open for a return visit from “shoulds”. After all, we reason, somebody has to _____”

I get it, OH how I get it.  This is why it is uber imperative that we understand what influences our emotions, what drives our actions, and how we can purpose to protect ourselves and families from the shoulds

(free printable of these questions here)

Rejecting guilt from the expectations of others

We mustn’t go through life trying to please everyone else around us.

We mustn’t go through life without passion for our gifts.

We mustn’t go through life being guided by opinions that conflict with what we know to be true for us.

We mustn’t go through life with so little time to spare that we can’t allow our dreams to take root.

How to manage the expectations of others

A wise person taught me a simple tool that might comfort you as it has me. When we are faced with a guilt-inducing action or thought, ask ourselves one question:

Which category does this fall into- my responsibility or my concern? Our TRUE responsibility is so much less than we take on. The rest, let it go with prayer.

It is  heavy weight constantly trying to meet other’s expectations!

This one simple thought process is changing my life and perhaps it will minimize the impact other people’s expectations will have on you. It is time for freedom my friends!

Saying no to the expectations of others

Refuse the “shoulds”.

Are there times when suggested input is helpful? Is there advice we would do well to heed?

Definitely! If our actions hurt or hinder someone else…if our inaction contributes to the harm of another? There is a necessity for change in those instances.

That said, on the whole, the big picture?

We are unique individuals with our own paths to walk. We are works in progress. amazing, beautiful women who offer much to the world around us.

Own it. Give it. Live it. Love it.

Not because someone else says we should…instead, because it gives us great joy to simply be us…doing our unique calling.

John 17:4 5 I glorified you on earth, having accomplished the work that you gave me to do.

Blessed is She has a great post you can read here about God’s expectations vs. those of others.

Resources to help manage expectations:

• Boundaries: when to say yes, how to say no to take back control of your life
• Living Your Best Life: Letting Go of Self-Doubt, Fear and Other’s Expectations to Live the Life You’ve Always Dreamed
• The People Pleaser’s Guide to Loving Others without Losing Yourself
• Find Peace: A 40-day Devotional Journey For Moms
• Boundaries for Your Soul: How to Turn Your Overwhelming Thoughts and Feelings into Your Greatest Allies
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