7 Compelling Reasons To Stay Married
Marriage is hard.
There are days when we don’t like each other. Not even a tiny bit.
When just our mates breathing and taking up space is annoying.
Our society believes if we aren’t happy, cut our losses. We chase imaginary perfection.
We lose.
If I had cut my losses during times of marital strife, well, my life would be less rich. Marriage is full of expectations. Dreams of fulfillment and joy.
It takes hard, sometimes intense, effort to make it beautiful.
In my marriage, there have been times when I wasn’t happy. Neither was my husband. Yet we didn’t give up. We didn’t allow ourselves to dwell on the idea, period.
Trouble might have tricked us into thinking giving up would be easier
We have been together since our teen years. It is not for sissies to grow up into mature, selfless (mostly, working on that) adults. Immaturity is taxing. Maturity is elusive when we revisit the same old problems.
And isn’t that it? Usually the same old things? For us, for most people we know, the roots of marital issues run deep.
If you are at a fork in the road-Don’t give up.
The rewards for digging in can be something beautiful, almost indescribable.
Proverbs 18:22 even says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD”, and Proverbs 12:4 tells us that a wife is her husband’s crown!
So yes, marriage is hard. But it is also, and more importantly, worth fighting for! We are gifts to each other.
Here is what I know about sticking with it:
- A shared history with another person connects you for life. There are things to look back on, only achieved through years of memory making
- Companionship is a rich gift. Someone to share your life with amounts to a treasure
- Marriage, if we’ll let it, changes us from selfish creatures into people with a sincere desire to put someone else’s needs first. Trust me on this, its way more fulfilling to serve. A strange irony, but true
- Our children deserve to be taught this vital truth: marriage is worth working for. Strong marriage gives them security. When we feel secure, it spills over into their lives. We are training our children what to look for in their own adult lives. This is intimidating, yes? No matter what mistakes we made yesterday, we can start moving forward now
- Speaking of security, someone to have our back is a perk of a good relationship. A partner to share the burdens of life, the joys. How often we take this for granted!
- Humor. My husband makes me laugh. We should be careful not to downplay how far humor will carry us in the darkest days
- Intimacy is the strongest pull we’ll ever have connecting with someone. What better place to work on this than in a loving marriage
He doesn’t complete me
We are convinced that our partner should fill our needs, complete us. I think this is a tragic neglect of understanding where God fits into our marriage.
My husband does not complete me. I used to think he could, should.
I don’t complete him. I try most of the time, but my selfishness will pre-empt this without warning.
We learned to live with the unexpected. Things he won’t, or can’t, give me. Things I still do that he wishes I wouldn’t.
There are disappointments
But those things? Those irritants that make our pride blister?
Oh, the healing is sweet indeed. How much better we are pushing through. When we learn to let God be the one to fill those voids.
I am thankful for my marriage; it makes me a better person. It blesses me continually as my husband cares for me, and I care for him.
It’s not perfect, but astoundingly, better than perfect.
It is perfecting. Refining.
Great resources on marriage:
What’s It Like to Be Married to Me?: And Other Dangerous Questions
The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective
Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
To Love, Honor, and Vacuum: When You Feel More Like a Maid Than a Wife and Mother
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So much of what people (esp women?) believe about marriage comes from popular media, esp the whole notion of the other people completing you. All your suggestions are good, but humor especially resonates with me, maybe because when you can laugh at yourself and share humor, it shows humility.
Yes! Marriage is hard, but definitely worth it. I have grown so much as a person and as a wife through marriage. When you look through life through someone else’s lens, you see things differently. I am more compassionate. Less selfish in some ways. As many of us do, I still struggle with wanting what I want!
Marriage has been under attack for years and underrated. There is a security knowing my husband is committed to me and our marriage even on days when we really don’t like each other.
Thank You for a great post and an awesome reminder!
THank you for sharing Joyce!
Great, great, great, great, great. Yes, that many greats. No, wait, you need two more. Great, great. One great for each reason.
Christa God used your words today to bless me and my marriage. Thank you.
Whoo HOOOO!!!!!
Great job Christa. You really mentioned some important points about marriage. I agree that humor is important too. If we can’t laugh at ourselves, we are in a sad state. Oh, I didn’t mean the pun. Really liked it.
Good one actually 🙂
It’s so encouraging to hear your story, advice and to hear how long you’ve been married. My hubby and I have been married a little over a year and it is refining, but good. Reading this post was inspiring and encouraging – marriage is worth it!
Deanne, thank you for coming by! Every year has been entirely different from the others. You might be amazed, and be encouraged- the hard ones surely will pass and good ones shine again
Marriage is a series of growth spurts. It ebbs and tides. For myself, I think most growth came after the children had gone and only the two of us were left. The focus became tighter. Humor was one of the reasons I was attracted to my husband. It still keeps us going (I wanted to tweet, but it’s not linked). Marriage can be difficult, but it doesn’t have to stay there. Great post!
I love you put in with the visual ebbs and tides. So true, amazing how fast the tide can change. I love that, thank you Shelley
Marriage is not perfect, it’s perfecting. Truth. Thank you, Christa.
You are welcome Janelle, glad you spent time here today