Depressed after moving? 7 ways to feel settled after a move

Depressed after moving? 7 ways to feel settled after a move

One of the most challenging things I’ve experienced is moving and starting over.

Leave all that is familiar is exciting and/or bittersweet. Our big move as a young couple was 2, 064 miles away from home. From family and friends.

There was the excitement, as there usually is, about the unknown.

Where will I shop? Who will I meet? What is the weather like, the locals?

We moved from sunny SoCal to a few miles from Lake Michigan. Leaving was excruciating, you might know just what I mean.  The night before we moved I sat on the porch steps,

The night before we moved I sat on the porch steps, my childhood porch, cool concrete under my feet.

Why does moving make me sad?

Goodbyes are the worst, but they won’t last forever.

Leaning my head on my mom’s lap, weeping. Walking the block holding my dad’s hand, for the first and last time in years. We cried together.

My poor husband. I wept through CA, NV, UT, NE, pretty much all the way to our destination. I could barely look at a family photo.

We were young and poor and long distance was expensive, 10 cents a minute on a special plan. So I could call mom for half an hour this week, a friend the next.

We moved in early autumn, and felt pretty fortunate to live in such a beautiful spot! Colors vivid and trees plentiful. And then, winter hit.

We learned new terms like “lake effect snow”, and that what we previously thought was “freezing” at 60 degrees left us woefully unprepared attire-wise for this new kind of country.

And the culture shock! We were amazed to find that Californians are not welcomed with open arms everywhere they go.

Over many moves, I learned some do’s and don’ts that might help you ease the transition.

Is it normal to regret moving?

It can be, and having an action plan to get connected can help ease the pain. Here are 7 useful tips to help you feel settled after a move:

1. Don’t expect people to immediately be open to new people. Namely, you. That is the hardest thing, if you are there I understand. Don’t give up. My husband said I was like a happy puppy ready to make friends, and surrounded by people that didn’t like dogs. Give them a chance to warm up to you, and be patient
2. Don’t wait for people to befriend you. Be the friend you’d like to have. Some larger towns have groups such as the Newcomers Club, and the Welcome Wagon. There wasn’t even internet yet when we made that jump. Today Google can open many doors to finding groups to help you learn about your new town
3. Don’t allow yourself to wallow in self-pity. I did that once and a friend said to me, “Maybe God put you there to be a friend to someone else. Stop wishing someone would be that for you, and try to look for your opportunity.” I won’t lie; it really stung at the time. But when you step back, perhaps a larger perspective can help keep your eyes open to a need
4. Do prepare as much as possible before the move. I had a great book called After the Boxes Are Unpacked: Moving On After Moving In by Susan Miller. I wish it had been available my first move, but it sure helped me prepare myself, and my children, for subsequent changes
5. Do ask the local Chamber of Commerce for maps, fliers, and anything else to help you learn about your new environment. Be adventurous, it’ll be worth it
6. Do set up the things in your place right away that make you feel at “home”. My mom used to joke she never saw someone completely unpack so fast. I always, always put pictures up ASAP.  I put a cinnamon air freshener in, and get my kitchen functional, and create a nook to sit and read. Those are top priority items to make my life more comfortable.  What makes you feel that way? Act, don’t delay
7. Do entertain even when it is scary to invite near-strangers over. We gained lots of forever friends and some one-time evening acquaintances. We’d have neither had we never taken a chance and asked people to come over

If you are overwhelmed, scared, and wondering how to make “home” after your world changes, take heart. It gets better.

We have done this many times now, and the biggest things I learned?

Stop looking back…it makes the pain of goodbye stretch out and on. I know.

And I wish better for you.

Don’t say goodbye to loved ones for good &  don’t stay in a place of constant longing. We can determine to find the good in the place we are now…it isn’t easy, but it will help you feel settled and at home much faster. Bless you in your journey!

Encouraging resources for starting over:

• Starting Over: Your Life Beyond Regrets
• After the boxes are unpacked: moving on after moving in
• How to Celebrate Everything: Recipes and Rituals for Birthdays, Holidays, Family Dinners, and Every Day In Between
• Beautiful in God’s Eyes: The Treasures of the Proverbs 31 Woman
• Disclosure: I only recommend products I do/would use myself. This post may contain affiliate links that at NO additional cost to you, may earn me a small commission to help support this blog. Read full privacy policy here.