Loving others- why it matters to spend time with the elderly

Do you wish to have more time every day?

A sweet reader Janet once shared a story- I was talking to my mom the other day about having so much to do, but not enough time. She is 93 and told me…

“I wish I could give you some of my time when I am here by myself for hours and no one calls or comes by.”

My heart ached. The elderly are dear to my heart. Yet, even so, I’ve still dropped the ball too often.

We value busy-ness as a virtue

We consider ourselves an extremely busy society. And no doubt we are, but when we are too busy to care about lonely? Then our priorities might need to be reevaluated.

Have you witnessed an old soul who delights in the chance interaction involving a young child in a store, or a restaurant? It is a beautiful thing.

Youth offers a hint of a life remembered, and it is contagious.

Old people, who are alone and isolated? What wonder is it that they suffer from despair and loneliness?

This is a message that perhaps we only appreciate as we age ourselves.

What does loving well mean?

As a young woman, newly out on my own, I didn’t consider the feelings of my older family members. I knew my parents wanted me to come home on the weekend and have dinner. To stay awhile for a bbq.

If I waited a month to call my grandparents, I’d get an earful from my grandpa about where the heck I’d been for sooo long!

My great-aunt rejoiced when I came to visit, and our time was spent quietly in her home. Surrounded by antiques, the sound of her cuckoo clock, and her attention devoted to things like checking my cuticles against her Norwegian standards of good health.

How I now wish I’d understood what a gift these times were!

I think it wasn’t until I had children of my own that I grasped why it mattered so much to them.

They loved me. Your family loves you.

Loving others well means hearing their hearts

The elderly do not want to be a burden. These were, are, adults who lived full and capable lives. Aging steals away our vitality, but very often leaves a frail shell of a body with a bright and spunky mind. We are designed to have companionship, and our elders have stories to share. Wisdom to impart. We cheat ourselves by not giving them the time they deserve
We too will be in their place one day. When our kids and grandkids are too busy to come over and visit. Let’s imagine ourselves in that position now, how will it feel? Take that discomfort and extend grace to the aging relatives who want to spend time with us today. And how about the people with no kids at all? No one who even cares they are there? How much more do they need us?
That time we dream of having “someday”? How scary and lonely might that be to someone who is the last living, sibling? The widow who wonders how to keep the lights on? The widower with a spry sense of humor but no one to tell stories to? The thing about getting old is that the world we know will age with us. The friends who understood our references, and shared our experiences won’t always be there. That would be a difficult reality to face
Don’t load yourself with guilt. Just start now, with reaching out and offering a ride for the doctor visit and a lunch out. Sit across from them in their home and ask them about their lives. Slow down in speed and let them grasp our arms.

What does the bible say about loving elders well?

Someday? Should we be afforded a long life, all we will have is time.

And that might just feel more like a curse than a blessing if there is no one to share it with. (Well watered women has a great article on loving others well here)

My own beloved Grandma is 93 this year. For the past few years, she has lived in a nursing home due to dementia. Until then, she was active indeed…but always so happy I called. “You really brightened my day,” she would exclaim, a smile in her voice.

I was blessed to have her visit me everywhere I ever lived, until she was into her later 80’s. How hard it is to be far away from her in her final years…

If you are blessed to have people you love who are aging? Give them a call, or write a letter. Time is not endless.

Deuteronomy 5:16a Honor your father and mother (remember, this is a commandment of the Lord your God)

“Know that you are the perfect age. Each year is special and precious, for you shall only live it once. Be comfortable with growing older.” – Louise Hay

Leviticus 19:32 You shall give due honor and respect to the elderly

1 John 4:11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another

If you need some conversation starters, I’ve created a free PDF file with 50 questions to help bridge generational gaps. Click here if you’d like to download it for free!

Support Love For Our Elders, a non-profit living out a love mission to fight loneliness, through simple letters here