A little girl dreamed of her wedding day, where her prince would come and sweep her off her feet. The sky would be a brilliant blue, and birds would be singing merrily. Just like Disney movies.

When my actual wedding day came, I forgot the dreams of a little girl at our reception.

If I had to do things over again, this is what I’d tell myself- dance on your wedding day.

I wish I had danced more. Let loose.

It was a beautiful wedding and I wasn’t a bit nervous. Just excited to marry my best bud. The day had arrived.

When anxiety is an uninvited guest

The reception, on the other hand,  is sort of a cloudy memory.

We celebrated in my parent’s backyard. Where those Disney fantasies began, with a little girl in her treehouse.

Friends and family had worked hard to make it special, and it was beautiful.

Yet, it was supremely hot. Record-breaking.  Sweltering, and my dress was long-sleeved, heavy with lace and rhinestones. Suffocating.

I became nervous to join the party. I don’t like being the center of attention.

My husband had a fantastic day. He knew how to celebrate. I envied him a bit, really.

However, when I look at pictures it seems like I did too.

That is a relief because sometimes memory plays tricks on us.

 Perfectionists sometimes anticipate events more than they are able to enjoy them. 

Don’t get me wrong, I DID have a marvelous time.  But anxiety was still an uninvited guest.

An Open Letter To My Younger Self

• I would tell that young woman to make this the best afternoon of her whole life. This party was about her and her new husband. She could act however she wanted.
• I would tell her to have a few beers and pull her onto the dance floor. I would swing her around and encourage her to dance with reckless joy.
• I would tell her that it didn’t matter that some friends didn’t show up. That it was their loss and not something to ruin her afternoon with worry. What a waste to spend time fretting about them, on this momentous occasion
• I would tell her to not be afraid to do the chicken dance. Making a fool of yourself doesn’t matter in the big picture. At all
• I would tell her to play horseshoes with the guys. That brides could act like themselves. Even in a dusty horseshoe pit
• I would tell her to just be 100% herself, that a wedding reception was no place for anxiety. Just be the silly girl/woman she still is. To not let Self–consciousness  steal any time
• I would tell her that she and her husband would last and he’d never leave her. Really. I’d spin her around to keep looking into his eyes and stay grounded. He adored her. And she him
• I would tell her how the God she didn’t really know yet, was planning great adventures for her and her young husband
• I would tell her to enjoy every single moment of this afternoon, to not let it rush by without imprinting the details on her brain

And then?

I’d set her free to party down like it was her one and only wedding day.

This is a favorite picture of mine, even in its blurriness.

Dancing with my Daddy, something we didn’t normally do. But that day, we did.

What would you tell YOUR younger self? 

P.S. For a fun fast forward, here is a post about my sweet husband walking our baby down the aisle

Resources to encourage

• The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective
• Wedding shadowbox- Shadow Box Frame 11×14 Display Case 
• Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
• Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage 
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