Becoming Who You Are Meant To Be- Part One

When I was a child, I spent my days dreaming.

Imagining being a Princess. In those dreams, I envisioned the capacity to build a perfect life.

A safe life (and indeed, most of it was!)

But that girl came to know brokenness and stopped dreaming.

She settled for too little

It turns out, most of our life is not as we expected.

God has blessed me and turned my life into something beautiful, but oh, what a process!

I am here to testify that I am thankful every day that my young dreams did NOT come true.

For the dreams of my heart (not my imagination) were all fulfilled, the life I couldn’t have imagined I wanted is my greatest treasure.

God knew me long before “I” did.

Who you are becoming is important

The girl with a broken piece?

She was a disappointment, not enough. She believed she would never measure up. She built up a wall, and though she still smiled? On the inside, the deepest parts of her heart?

She forgot who she was.

She forgot how to dream big and her seas were seldom peaceful. Confusion clouded her skies and anger swirled the waters around her. Anxiety steered her boat and the stinging water of uncertainty clouded her vision.

Oh, on the outside, things looked ok.

But sometimes, sometimes when she was alone? She feared the tears would come and if they did? They would never, ever stop.  So, she smiled.

Yet, a seed was planted in the midst of those years.

God saw me in my becoming

He knew the parts of childhood that pained me and sent the first building blocks of my future hope.

My aunt gave me records that are my first memory of faith. Psalty the Hymnal places words in my mouth and joy in my heart. I sang about Jesus. A child’s voice reaching God’s ears.

My mother taught me the Lord’s Prayer and I prayed earnestly about childhood things.

Could I please have my mom surprise me with cake tomorrow? Will you make the boys like me? Will you make it rain? What does your kingdom look like? Will we live on clouds someday? I like clouds. Innocent questions.

Putting God aside

My teenage years came, and I put Him aside with my toys and childhood dreams.

Fast forward to age 20. A friend talked me into going to church with him. It was there that Jesus reintroduced himself to me. He spoke to my heart and I asked Him into my heart. On a limited basis.

I spent my 20’s being unsure of who I was, but when I became a mother it was my first true understanding of who I was called to be.

I knew joy. I began to dream again. And finally, God wooed me to his side. This time, my husband was ready to join me.

Season of becoming

Those years were fraught with the insecurity of not being sure what “else” I was.  I knew what experiences I definitely did NOT want replicated in my own home, and precisely what I did hope for.

I relentlessly pursued perfection.

Maybe if I tried hard enough. Maybe I could be “good enough”.

Finally.

My 30’s brought so much change to our lives I could hardly focus.  7 houses, three states, in a six-year span. While homeschooling two little girls.  With Chronic illness. Crushing financial situations.

But always, determined to find the joy.

Maybe if I tried hard enough…

***Part One of Three:Becoming Who You Are Meant To Be. Is there someone you could share this with today? Part two can be read here. Part three can be read here.

Resources to help you:

The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For?

Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life

The People Pleaser’s Guide to Loving Others without Losing Yourself 

Boundaries: when to say yes, how to say no to take control of your life

*Disclosure: I only recommend products I do/would use myself. This post may contain affiliate links that at NO additional cost to you, may earn me a small commission to help support this blog. Read full privacy policy here.