Defining success for a grace filled imperfect life

Defining success for a grace filled imperfect life

“I’m not a disciplined person, AT ALL!” she lamented to her friend. “Ugh, me either! I suck at discipline!” her pal replied. Laughing,  they laid out the ways that they’d become disciplined…right after the holidays.

The funny thing is, each woman thought the other person was remarkably accomplished!

Where is the disconnect here, that we look in the mirror and tell ourselves how we lack the willpower or resolve life requires?

All the while, people around us are able to look in and see the interesting and talented people in our reflection?

Perhaps our confusion and wrong beliefs come from a faulty view of what disciplined really means.

Let’s make it our goal to redefine the term into something that casts a realistic and favorable light onto our skills…without the negative connotations of lack.

How do you define success?

Who convinced you that you aren’t effective?

Somewhere along the line, we were made to understand that being disciplined was a good and right character trait. And it is…the problem lies in that we have come to define the term based on other people’s meaning of the word.

Usually, that involves perspective. When it is not backed by our OWN experience, personality, or goals? It isn’t a complete goal!

Discipline tracks well with words like that characterize completion. Goal setters. Early birds. Vigor and conquest.

However, what if we have been basing our entire definition of discipline on someone else’s point of view?  Those are all admirable traits, but there is more to be considered…

Examples of success in life

Played out in real life, we tend to pick and choose an area of life that has room for improvement and classify ourselves are winners or losers. Just based on that one function.

Taken a step further, suppose we have always struggled with healthy eating habits.

Time management. Keeping the house up. Playing with the kids more. Finishing school. Whatever that thing is that is always a battle…

When we let a few areas of our life define success for our lives as a whole…we miss out on celebrating the countless important achievements we do every day!

Discipline, in a realistic sense of embracing an imperfect life, is not an all or nothing term. There is room to soften the definition, broaden the scope and thereby view our skills and accomplishments with a fresh and gentler view.

What success means to me

In my own life, sometimes I tend to think of myself as undisciplined, simply because I  maintain a different schedule than others. The world shouts “________ is THE one way to be successful in _________!”   

Because of an invisible chronic illness, I often don’t sleep well, getting up in late morning. It has a trickle-down effect of struggling to get my exercise in, my writing goals completed, and my whole food goals in check to where I’d like to see them.

Add to that, my goals are OFTEN much bigger than time will ever allow for. Major dreamer here! For my whole life, I’ve struggled with seeing myself through the lens of a more realistic sense of success.

However, if I limit my understanding of disciplined to just those things, how can that feel anything but discouraging?  It doesn’t allow for all the awesome things that happen, often because I am wired to be more of a free-flowing type. I’ll take that any day!

You have areas in your life that I suspect cause you to feel very pass/fail about how you define yourself. I want more for you, for me.

Why is defining success important?

Taking a step back and looking at our lives through a big picture lens, we are complicated people living a revolving door kind of life, full of changes.

Every day we adapt to the unexpected. We manage homes. We complete projects. We raise children. We are so much more effective than we realize. All of us.

Perfection isn’t required (or even possible) to live a life of accomplishment.

Going forward, let’s refuse to label ourselves with the derogatory title of undisciplined. Puh-leeze. We are unique. 

Allow some time to notice what you are already doing well!

Ditch self-criticism when defining success

In spite of those areas that have caused me to feel stuck, I will no longer define myself as a person who isn’t disciplined.

Because in MOST areas of my life? I accomplish a great deal when I leave the self-critical eye in the ditch.  How refreshing, freeing, to breathe this sigh of relief!

Your turn– Friends, take a deliberate look at all the ways you are efficient, methodical or reliable. Ditch the self-criticism, toss the labels and create a grace-filled new perspective of a disciplined life.

If this post encouraged you today, please share with someone else who needs to reframe how they see their accomplishments!

Resources on defining success for yourself

• Chronic Resilience: 10 Sanity-Saving Strategies 
• Have More Fun: How to Be Remarkable, Stop Feeling Stuck, and Start Enjoying Life
• Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones 
• The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For?
• Redefining Success for a Happier, More Authentic & Fulfilling Life
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