As my kids get older, the thought of letting them go into adulthood filled me with sadness. I love our little family. Some wise words from a friend impacted how I looked at things, and I asked her to share. I think you’ll enjoy it…
I’ve come home to an oddly quiet house, vowing to let my children lead the way in terms of communication, now that two of them are college freshman.
Avoiding the temptation to call yesterday and make sure they’d gotten out of bed on time, I was relieved to hear the familiar typewriter tone of my phone alerting me to a text message.
“Going 2 bed. Alarm set. ‘night Mom.”
What a relief…maturity and preparation, independent of me.
I’ve been asked if I’m struggling to see our boys off to college – “losing” 2/3 of our children in one full swoop. It seems the world expects a Mom to be a sad, worried basket case at times.
Am I a “bad mom” for thinking it’s an exciting time for our family?
Some say they cried for days. Not so for me. I’m happy, but have kept quiet about my feelings, not wanting to appear cold or overly enthusiastic about the prospect of having free time on my hands for the first time in 20 years!
Why should we not feel JOY knowing that we’ve prepared our children to get into college, move into God-given vocations, and manage their lives without our intervention?
Of course, I’ve wanted to walk them through this process
Outside of helping decide between renting or purchasing textbooks, and advising that dorm beds are XL (a plus for two guys over 6’4” tall), they simply didn’t want or need my assistance.
Both declined offers to help pack. Regarding move-in day, one said yes, the other no, when asked if they wanted us to tag along.
I will cherish pre-dawn moments of half-awake smiles and sleepy un-made faces captured in photos before their departures. Our middle son was the first to leave.
He kissed his little sister in her sleep, gave me an obligatory hug, and blessed me with a kiss I will cherish forever. Off he went…suitcase in hand, to fly solo across the country…
“I love you, Luke.”
He replied with the same.
I said, “Come visit sometime.”
He laughed and said once more, “I love you, too, Mom.”
He never looked back
A few days later, I traveled to Oklahoma with our firstborn.
At some point, the time for me to leave became obvious. Tim had made friends and social plans he was eager to get to.
I asked him for a kiss goodbye. Realizing he had pretty much forgotten I was leaving, he leaned back into the van for a hug and peck on the cheek.
“Bye, Mom. Thanks for the ride. I love you.”
That was it
Huge smile on his face; no tears on mine.
It wasn’t the tearful good-bye I’d been told to expect. This week I’d been the “safety net” he didn’t really need.
He disappeared into the crowd.
The lump in my throat subsided as I thought about what God had tasked me with. He had given us these precious children, entrusted us for their care, and expected us to prepare them for adulthood.
I believe their faith, character, and abilities are such that they will be fine.
My heart knows after 19 years of walking beside my children, it’s me who is being sent off to navigate this new world. They’ve made their way.
It’s time I return to my vocation as a wife and mother supporting their endeavors from afar.
That last night I checked into my hotel wishing I’d booked a red-eye, to get home quickly.
I took solace in the quiet, laid my head to rest and thanked God for ordaining a good “ending” to our life as homeschoolers.
With His help, our children had become independent learners who would likely succeed in the world. It’s time for them to enjoy what we once did as young adults, searching for a special place in the world.
I didn’t cry. Still haven’t, though probably will soon. For now, I’m just thankful for answered prayers.
Both kids text and call, seek advice, send pictures of breakfast and talk about dorm life. I guess it’s different for everyone. Some cry. Some laugh. We share the need to accept our children are grown and it’s time for us to find our own new purpose in life.
A dozen plus years of homeschooling has offered our family the flexibility to spend time together and experience the world in ways we never would have otherwise.
I look forward to a bustling house again someday where my children bring home stories, friends, perhaps wives and children, as we continue to grow closer to God and one another.
**Laura Vitkavage, married to her soul mate, Dan, is the mother of Timothy (20), Luke (18) and Miriam (8). She has homeschooled for 15 years, all over the United States. Currently residing in upstate New York, “Mrs. V” is now pursuing her passions for interior design and writing. She can be reached at: ljvitkavage@gmail.com
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This was beautiful, real and sweet to read. My 2 sons have both left the nest and returned a few times. Currently my 26 yr old after breaking up with his live-in girlfriend is back with us. Its odd to re-adjust and lose the extra bathroom I was enjoying for myself. Ha!
Thank you for sharing your heart and your wisdom. When my oldest daughter was leaving for the summer, I got so tired of people expecting me to be a basket-case.
Please keep writing. No one else can tell your story, and your words need to be said.
Thank you.
Now to go and make breakfast. 🙂
Thank you for the encouragement, ladies. I’m always happy to hear of others’ experiences. This is a phase of life that every mother will go through at one time or another and I think it’s valuable to share our reflections with one another.
Laura… I, late in getting married, have just finished home schooling my 18 yr old this Spring. I am now 60 (!) and ready for anything. I struggled with letting one son go, for he was not walking closely with God, and it hurt to watch. In that respect, a child leaving home can hurt a tad more. I am encouraged however, with this last son… and do feel excited at the prospect of pursuing something for myself. I just haven’t found what that would be yet. Being 60 means there are just a little wee bit less options out there. Thank you for your honesty, and giving me permission (wink) to not fall apart at the seams because our last one is some day soon leaving us. Frankly… I love each one of our three boys… and am ready for the new freedom.
Laura,
Well written document on the ’empty nest’ syndrome. We all face different ways in which our child(ren) leave. Most of us lose our children one at a time, making the empty nest easier. After all three of our children left home to begin life anew, I found things to do that I loved and that empty nest syndrome wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. After homeschooling my grandson for the past 13 years I am once again experiencing the empty nest syndrome. But this time it is with a sigh of relief (I am 70 years old), and I am enjoying every moment.
Laura,
Thanks for including me on your list. A great piece on a theme that many are encountering right about now. The empty nest for me was a bit different because we have an only child. I did not home school her but did spend a great deal of time with her in Girl Scouts and other activities. But like you and the boys, her fledging was not a time of tears but one of pride and happiness watching an accomplished, mature young lady journey across the country to try her wings. It was certainly quieter but it was also gratifying to see her grow and flourish on her own… Many people have asked me how I could let her go so far. My answer is always “How could I not?” This is what she has chosen as a path and my job was to prepare her to fulfill her dreams and in the present to be there as she continues to navigate that path. Between the phone and SKYPE, we manage to keep up with each other and share our joys, struggles, and lives. This summer, she opted to do an internship in the Wash. DC area and it was a wonderful experience for her, building confidence and a sense of what she wants to do career-wise. Despite the physical separation, I feel like we have done a good job raising a happy, functional young adult and there is a lot of joy in that. I just can’t believe she is graduating from college this year!
Enjoy this time.
My nest is 2/3 empty like you, and it is bittersweet, but not devastating. I feel good, for the most part, about the directions my children are going in and confident they will be self-sufficient. I’m enjoying having my “baby” boy at home for three more years. I am looking forward to pursuing some dreams with my husband.
Beautifully written, Laura. I was teary while reading. Like Joann Taylor, I’m an older parent, not homeschooling but very involved in my daughters life. I look forward to the time she’ll be a mature and responsible adult but wish time would slow down so she could stay young a bit longer.
It’s clear we do all have different experiences, but common bonds. Nice to hear about each of your stories, too. I must say that I agree about the time going all to quickly. I’m sure we all sit back at times and wonder how it was “just yesterday” that they were small enough to fit in one arm and sooth with lullabies. Thankfully, we continue to create tomorrow’s memories.
God bless you all, Laura
Thank you for your story. My oldest left home in the spring and I was emotional in the preflight stage at all the last bits of time with him. But he was so ready to go, and once the goodbyes were over we settled quite quickly into a foursome at home. I miss him like crazy, but not in a heartsick way. Just a missing him way.
Laura Vitkavage, married to her soul mate, Dan, is the mother of Timothy (20), Luke (18) and Miriam (8). She has homeschooled for 15 years, all over the United States. Currently residing in upstate New York, “Mrs. V” is now pursuing her passions for interior design and writing. She can be reached at: ljvitkavage@gmail.com
This was beautiful, real and sweet to read. My 2 sons have both left the nest and returned a few times. Currently my 26 yr old after breaking up with his live-in girlfriend is back with us. Its odd to re-adjust and lose the extra bathroom I was enjoying for myself. Ha!
Beautiful post Laura. I hope you do pursue writing as well as interior design. loved this tender piece.
Thank you for sharing your heart and your wisdom. When my oldest daughter was leaving for the summer, I got so tired of people expecting me to be a basket-case.
Please keep writing. No one else can tell your story, and your words need to be said.
Thank you.
Now to go and make breakfast. 🙂
Beautifully written, Laura. Thank you so much for including me in your list. I look forwards to reading more of your thoughts in the future.
Catherine
Thank you for the encouragement, ladies. I’m always happy to hear of others’ experiences. This is a phase of life that every mother will go through at one time or another and I think it’s valuable to share our reflections with one another.
Laura… I, late in getting married, have just finished home schooling my 18 yr old this Spring. I am now 60 (!) and ready for anything. I struggled with letting one son go, for he was not walking closely with God, and it hurt to watch. In that respect, a child leaving home can hurt a tad more. I am encouraged however, with this last son… and do feel excited at the prospect of pursuing something for myself. I just haven’t found what that would be yet. Being 60 means there are just a little wee bit less options out there. Thank you for your honesty, and giving me permission (wink) to not fall apart at the seams because our last one is some day soon leaving us. Frankly… I love each one of our three boys… and am ready for the new freedom.
Laura,
Well written document on the ’empty nest’ syndrome. We all face different ways in which our child(ren) leave. Most of us lose our children one at a time, making the empty nest easier. After all three of our children left home to begin life anew, I found things to do that I loved and that empty nest syndrome wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. After homeschooling my grandson for the past 13 years I am once again experiencing the empty nest syndrome. But this time it is with a sigh of relief (I am 70 years old), and I am enjoying every moment.
Laura,
Thanks for including me on your list. A great piece on a theme that many are encountering right about now. The empty nest for me was a bit different because we have an only child. I did not home school her but did spend a great deal of time with her in Girl Scouts and other activities. But like you and the boys, her fledging was not a time of tears but one of pride and happiness watching an accomplished, mature young lady journey across the country to try her wings. It was certainly quieter but it was also gratifying to see her grow and flourish on her own… Many people have asked me how I could let her go so far. My answer is always “How could I not?” This is what she has chosen as a path and my job was to prepare her to fulfill her dreams and in the present to be there as she continues to navigate that path. Between the phone and SKYPE, we manage to keep up with each other and share our joys, struggles, and lives. This summer, she opted to do an internship in the Wash. DC area and it was a wonderful experience for her, building confidence and a sense of what she wants to do career-wise. Despite the physical separation, I feel like we have done a good job raising a happy, functional young adult and there is a lot of joy in that. I just can’t believe she is graduating from college this year!
Enjoy this time.
My nest is 2/3 empty like you, and it is bittersweet, but not devastating. I feel good, for the most part, about the directions my children are going in and confident they will be self-sufficient. I’m enjoying having my “baby” boy at home for three more years. I am looking forward to pursuing some dreams with my husband.
Beautifully written, Laura. I was teary while reading. Like Joann Taylor, I’m an older parent, not homeschooling but very involved in my daughters life. I look forward to the time she’ll be a mature and responsible adult but wish time would slow down so she could stay young a bit longer.
It’s clear we do all have different experiences, but common bonds. Nice to hear about each of your stories, too. I must say that I agree about the time going all to quickly. I’m sure we all sit back at times and wonder how it was “just yesterday” that they were small enough to fit in one arm and sooth with lullabies. Thankfully, we continue to create tomorrow’s memories.
God bless you all, Laura
Thank you for your story. My oldest left home in the spring and I was emotional in the preflight stage at all the last bits of time with him. But he was so ready to go, and once the goodbyes were over we settled quite quickly into a foursome at home. I miss him like crazy, but not in a heartsick way. Just a missing him way.
Good job Mrs. V! I really liked it, and though I’m not a mother I feel the sense of brothers and sisters moving out.