You, who encourage so many, sometimes fail to extend that love to yourself. due to feeling uncomfortable in your own skin; self-critical of the perceived flaws in your body.
I see you as you walk, adjusting your clothes. I see you as you pass the mirror, leaning in for a disgusted assessment of what reflects back at you.
Thing is, I don’t just see you, I’ve been you. Sometimes, I still have to fight it.
There is something we don’t talk about, and it is important. That struggle we think only harms us? Not true.
Whatever body image struggle we have impacts people we love, particularly our husbands.
Insecurity about the body we live in, whether it be the size of our nose or the shape of our hips, steals the potential from our story.
Why do I struggle with negative body image?
Body image issues started when at a young age. I remember being aware that I was different, fat, and ugly as young as second grade (lies).
Those labels stuck with me and played themselves out repeatedly as a teen, a young bride, and now a long-married woman.
You can DO this, change these patterns, but first, it helps to understand just how our body image issues impact our spouse…
Negative body Image Struggles And Marriage
The elephant in the room isn’t us– If our spouse talked the day after month after year, about the size of his butt, would it grow old to us? What if they constantly lamented over the size of their belly or chin? It is hard for someone to ignore what we constantly complain about (trust me on this one…)
We stifle our physical freedom- When we see our body as flawed, we unconsciously inhibit the joy available to us in the, ahem, bedroom. Intimacy is a gift. It is hard to exchange that with someone when we are focused on what is wrong instead of what is right
Our partner is powerless– When we let our body image issues take control of our life, we steal our partner’s ability to express themselves freely. We listen to the lies that shout for our attention, over the truth that comes from the mouth of the one who loves us. They can’t say anything “right” that quiets the inner battle. Our struggle has become one they don’t know how to fight, and it hurts them to see us suffer
Hope for healing negative body image issues
There is hope for real, lasting change about body image struggles. Fantastic news. Consequently, this can change. We can change!
Lana Del Rey has a song, Young and Beautiful, that says “Will you still love me when I’m no longer young, and beautiful?”
The first time I heard it, I cried at this line. At the way, my soul recognized it, as my own marital heart cry.
When I asked my husband about it?
He laughed, and said, “Um, of course. You do know, don’t you, that I am getting older along with you? I just see you, not your wrinkles.”
Is that hard to believe as a woman? Yep. But I fight hard to own this every single day.
Your husband likely sees that. Does he want your body?
Heck yes, but what he wants MORE? Is who you are on the inside.
Fight the battle, and your personal victory will become your spouse’s victory as well. You both win.
What I learned about negative body image issues
Body image impacts our marriage IF we don’t see our spouse’s perspective.
He doesn’t see the flaws we see- What our spouse sees? It is likely the things that make us beautiful in their eyes
He can’t fix the pain caused by someone else’s words- How my marriage changed when I stopped assigning the source of pain to my husband. Also, It wasn’t him who ever spoke or implied them, why should he pay?
We are wanted for the million reasons that make up who we are! Yet, we miss them because the lies are louder than the love. As a result, let’s demolish the lies and change that.
Overcome negative body image
What makes a woman beautiful? Personally, I’d start by telling each of you how beautiful you are.
How your bright eyes or quirky smile or weighted hips make you just right. Regardless of whether you only see stretch marks, saggy butts or deflated boobs due to oh, bringing a human into the world….
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This was wonderful! I think almost all women feel self conscious about their looks and it’s funny how even the women that we think of as gorgeous have these hangups. Men don’t notice imperfections as much as we think and I think they really respond to confidence. When we finally gain confidence we are too old to care about looks, lol. I’d love to be 20 again with the confidence I have today.
Great words of encouragement! You are not alone–and the struggle is real, but the battle worth fighting. Happy to meet you–stopping by from By His Grace Bloggers! <3
I struggle with this too, especially after having my boys, I still have baby weight to lose even though my baby is 10 years old. 😂I love my husband no matter how he looks, and I believe he loves me no matter how I look, so that is what I tried to focus on. Great post!
This is me right now. I put in 40lbs since we got married, over 5 years of course. But I had no idea how my personal internal insecurities were affecting my husband. He would love me and unknowingly I made him feel bad for loving me unconditionally. Like something was wrong with him for staying in love with me and the extra pounds that came with it. This blog spoke directly to me! Thank you!
I so appreciate your transparency here, it is important for us to share with each other to know that our stories are more common than we realize. Thank you for reading, and hopefully this encourages a shift ♥
My husband and I will be married 36 years next month. He is always telling me that he loves me and wants to be intimate and that he finds me sexy. I know this is true, but when I look in the mirror I see fat and ugly and totally hate being naked in front of him. I think he is just seeing the fat and flab even though he doesn’t. I am struggling daily with this. Thank you for this reminder.
This was wonderful! I think almost all women feel self conscious about their looks and it’s funny how even the women that we think of as gorgeous have these hangups. Men don’t notice imperfections as much as we think and I think they really respond to confidence. When we finally gain confidence we are too old to care about looks, lol. I’d love to be 20 again with the confidence I have today.
Isn’t that the truth 😉 Confidence is a major beauty asset. Just being “us” really is enough
Great words of encouragement! You are not alone–and the struggle is real, but the battle worth fighting. Happy to meet you–stopping by from By His Grace Bloggers! <3
Welcome Vickie! Thank you so much for visiting and I hope you will be a regular 🙂
I struggle with this too, especially after having my boys, I still have baby weight to lose even though my baby is 10 years old. 😂I love my husband no matter how he looks, and I believe he loves me no matter how I look, so that is what I tried to focus on. Great post!
Thank you Carolina! Girl, my baby is 23 haha. I hear you. So glad you have such a supportive relationship ♥
This is me right now. I put in 40lbs since we got married, over 5 years of course. But I had no idea how my personal internal insecurities were affecting my husband. He would love me and unknowingly I made him feel bad for loving me unconditionally. Like something was wrong with him for staying in love with me and the extra pounds that came with it. This blog spoke directly to me! Thank you!
I so appreciate your transparency here, it is important for us to share with each other to know that our stories are more common than we realize. Thank you for reading, and hopefully this encourages a shift ♥
My husband and I will be married 36 years next month. He is always telling me that he loves me and wants to be intimate and that he finds me sexy. I know this is true, but when I look in the mirror I see fat and ugly and totally hate being naked in front of him. I think he is just seeing the fat and flab even though he doesn’t. I am struggling daily with this. Thank you for this reminder.