My hair is not just brown anymore. Yeah, we are going there today.
Why are we afraid to go gray gracefully?
We, as a culture, are aghast at the idea of being our natural color. In case it makes us look older…
I also know based on the response received in the last few months, when I considered going gray.
Since I am.
Oh, there I go again, being honest about that. It seems that is NOT a popular choice.
My stylist is against it. My friends are definitely against it. Magazines, TV shows, and photo shoots celebrate youth. Which, apparently, equals being anything but gray.
What if…what if we, women, honored each other’s choice and supported it without giving critical and unwanted feedback?
Proverbs 16:31 tells us that Gray hair is a crown of splendor~ How did we get so far away from that idea?
When I told people I was thinking of it, I heard:
It’ll be unflattering to your skin tone.
You’ll look so much older.
Gray hair just isn’t YOU.
Your skin is too pale.
You’ll look washed out.
You are much too young to be gray.
I have been dying my hair since I was a teenager. C’mon, no teen with dark brown locks want to be the premature gray one in a crowd.
But now, the light strands outnumber the dark. It is a regular effort to keep it uniform.
What happens when you strip color to go gray?
My scalp is very sensitive, it is a supreme hassle to keep up, and frankly, why can’t I be gray? Guess who the only one is who says to go for it?
My sweet husband. He alone supports this endeavor (in fact, it was HIS idea).
I tend to be a quick mover once I decide to try something. A few months ago I took the plunge, went to the salon and said goodbye to brown. It was something to behold.
Taking off dark brown is comical actually.
We women are seldom are honest about this sort of thing, but here goes. I am going public so YOU can see what happens when you make the drastic plunge.
The emotional reality of going gray
If you decide to attempt this, you better show up with a good sense of humor. Or, you might cry.
It is shocking to see someone in the mirror that doesn’t look anything like you but is attached to your body. Surreal.
Orange was definitely NOT what I expected to see…
What if you don’t like the new gray result?
It turned out well enough.
But…
I don’t like it. At all.
It isn’t that the stylist didn’t do a good job, or that I don’t get tons of comments about how much younger and thinner I look. There are plenty. Yet they are unsolicited.
When I look in the mirror? I miss “me”
Christa with brown hair. It feels, dare I say this in front of the world, ugly. Foreign.
I feel like an imposter in my own body. A fraud. Maybe this is normal? Today I go back to get a new variation, a new lady with lots of tattoos and colored hair. Yes! Maybe she will get me. The me I want to be.
I am not afraid of aging. I was ready to go completely white with a few colored streaks to suit my mood.
Funky and fair and maybe just white-haired.
Post-visit wrap-up
In my case, today, it would be too damaging and near impossible to do it all at once. My hair was jacked up from the stripping (be forewarned). Plus, the bleaching had made my entire head suffer with chunky scabs where it burned my scalp. VERY painful.
We chose a light cool toned brown. We had to cut off too much hair, but it was necessary to get the fried pieces. And I like the outcome.
If there would be one piece of advice for you, there isn’t a rush to go gray all at once.
If you are already colored, work pieces in towards a more natural-looking progression. Lowlighting really makes an easier transition.
If you are scared to go gray, check out this book. Going Gray, Looking Great by Diana Lewis Jewell. Might help you age gracefully.
Turns out, today “me” is brown. I’m down with that. There is no shame either way. And ladies?
3 Tips before you decide to go gray gracefully:
Do what YOU like. Don’t let peer pressure send you in a direction you aren’t ready to sail.
Look at the above-mentioned book. Learn about makeup/clothing colors that will flatter the new you.
Research options first! Decide if you want a gradual change or a drastic one. If you go drastic, make sure you have hair to cut off later if need be. Ahem.
Update: This original post was from 2014, and though I did stay brown a few years…in 2017 I began a much slower process of going gray gracefully. First, we did strip off quite a bit of color, while adding lowlights to blend in the drastic change.
Here is a quick run through of the many layers in the last year…from ick (not a fan of the orange straight) to the current dark in front. The SHOCK of having straight up white hair at age 47 was something else.
To be honest, it takes getting used to. Many, most, days I LOVE not having to upkeep the 3-week roots and the freedom (and savings!). Other days I occasionally feel insecure.
The change makes you take a hard look at where you think your value lies. But IF you are ready? Don’t let people dissuade you. Own who YOU are, whether colored or natural. No explanation needed… ♥
Month one
Month 4
Month 6
Month 8 (felt great to have dark streaks back in to help me feel like “me” again. No shame, just preference since I am so pale!)
The back is pure white at Month 10! We’ll see if I keep lowlights as I go on towards the face. Probably will since skin tone is so fair. But the options are always open to change.
You be you! Beauty comes from within…and the outside is just how we enjoy “accessorizing! It is AMAZING how much our societal views have changed in the last year, now people are embracing gray, whoo hoo!
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CUTE new cut, Christa! Love it! From your late-forties friend who is now naturally completely gray and who has taken her own ride on this roller coaster – I HEAR YA! For me, I felt convicted to let it be what it is – washed out, pale, too young, looking older – none of it outweighed the liberation I felt to be free from the color bottle! But we all have to do what feels right for us! Personally, I think you look beautiful no matter what color the crown is – your beauty radiates from the inside! You can rock the dark, the blonde, and I bet you’d be rockin’ the gray, too!!! 🙂 Struggling with RA and other medical issues I have to admit that there are days when I am barely able to walk that when I catch a glimpse of me in the mirror with my shiny silver locks I have a moment of “YOU. ARE. TOO. YOUNG. FOR. THIS!” But, then I remind myself, it’s not the make and model…..it’s the mileage – and I have put plenty of miles on this ol’ body of mine in these short 47 years! So if you must – Keep Calm and Color On!
To be honest with you, I like you better as a brown. Maybe I am just biased but I am pretty dark haired myself. I started dying my hair in my teens, succumbing to my mother’s pressure and going blonde. Then, when I turned 18 I switched to reddish chocolate tones because I think they really bring out my eyes, and in my opinion I look washed out as a blonde. Considering I am naturally pale, blonde (especially after summer) I looked like a vampire! Nowadays, at the age of 32 I began noticing gray hairs. And you know what? I’m fine with it. I’m not freaking out, I’m not pulling them out.
My mother likes to point them out to me and constantly trying to persuade me to go back to blonde, even using sneaky tactics as telling me my husband prefers blonds but so far I am sticking to my dark reddish/chocolate. Be proud of your grays, they are a witness to your life’s journey.
The second reason is I go back to another verse from I Samuel that states a fact: “Man judges by the outward appearance.” Since that is true, and our culture does not value aging, I choose to color my hair.
Personally, I think it’s a hassle as I do it myself.
The one time I had it done professionally and paid for it the lady who did it made me a blonde when I specifically stated I wanted my hair dark. I had to do it over darker because it made me look terrible, and my husband definitely didn’t like it.
If you go more than two shades above or below your natural hair it makes you look bad. People who make themselves blonde who weren’t naturally blonde look washed out to me.
Great perspective.
I do not like my family graying pattern. my hair is chest nut.
Currently I spray a little peroxide and keep it blended.
The day will come for enough gray to use a rinse.
I was forced to go gray when all the chemicals used on my hair and in the salon were making me very ill. I miss my colored hair but I don’t miss having to keep it up.
These are all such interesting comments, you can feel how passionate we are about our hair. As part of our identity? Something we are just used to being a certain way, or a desire to embrace what “is” now? Thanks for sharing ladies, this makes for a great conversation
You look beautiful both ways. And you would be beautiful gray too.
CUTE new cut, Christa! Love it! From your late-forties friend who is now naturally completely gray and who has taken her own ride on this roller coaster – I HEAR YA! For me, I felt convicted to let it be what it is – washed out, pale, too young, looking older – none of it outweighed the liberation I felt to be free from the color bottle! But we all have to do what feels right for us! Personally, I think you look beautiful no matter what color the crown is – your beauty radiates from the inside! You can rock the dark, the blonde, and I bet you’d be rockin’ the gray, too!!! 🙂 Struggling with RA and other medical issues I have to admit that there are days when I am barely able to walk that when I catch a glimpse of me in the mirror with my shiny silver locks I have a moment of “YOU. ARE. TOO. YOUNG. FOR. THIS!” But, then I remind myself, it’s not the make and model…..it’s the mileage – and I have put plenty of miles on this ol’ body of mine in these short 47 years! So if you must – Keep Calm and Color On!
To be honest with you, I like you better as a brown. Maybe I am just biased but I am pretty dark haired myself. I started dying my hair in my teens, succumbing to my mother’s pressure and going blonde. Then, when I turned 18 I switched to reddish chocolate tones because I think they really bring out my eyes, and in my opinion I look washed out as a blonde. Considering I am naturally pale, blonde (especially after summer) I looked like a vampire! Nowadays, at the age of 32 I began noticing gray hairs. And you know what? I’m fine with it. I’m not freaking out, I’m not pulling them out.
My mother likes to point them out to me and constantly trying to persuade me to go back to blonde, even using sneaky tactics as telling me my husband prefers blonds but so far I am sticking to my dark reddish/chocolate. Be proud of your grays, they are a witness to your life’s journey.
I color my hair for two reasons.
My husband likes my hair colored.
The second reason is I go back to another verse from I Samuel that states a fact: “Man judges by the outward appearance.” Since that is true, and our culture does not value aging, I choose to color my hair.
Personally, I think it’s a hassle as I do it myself.
The one time I had it done professionally and paid for it the lady who did it made me a blonde when I specifically stated I wanted my hair dark. I had to do it over darker because it made me look terrible, and my husband definitely didn’t like it.
If you go more than two shades above or below your natural hair it makes you look bad. People who make themselves blonde who weren’t naturally blonde look washed out to me.
Great perspective.
I do not like my family graying pattern. my hair is chest nut.
Currently I spray a little peroxide and keep it blended.
The day will come for enough gray to use a rinse.
I was forced to go gray when all the chemicals used on my hair and in the salon were making me very ill. I miss my colored hair but I don’t miss having to keep it up.
These are all such interesting comments, you can feel how passionate we are about our hair. As part of our identity? Something we are just used to being a certain way, or a desire to embrace what “is” now? Thanks for sharing ladies, this makes for a great conversation
I think u look great either way..have always Thought u r a gorgeous lady but I too love the Brown better on u!!:)