Encouraging words for your husband during hard times
Encouraging words for your husband during hard times
Oh, the power of our words.
Have you ever sent your spouse from frustrated to full-on miserable? Perhaps intended as nuggets of encouragement, they backfire with shocking force.
If marriage advice came from a satirist, it might advise…
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- Complain about something important to them. Like their job. Make sure to go on and on so they’re guaranteed to hear you
- Plant seeds of discontent in their thought process. You know, telling them all the stuff they deserve and aren’t getting. How unfair it is that honesty isn’t rewarded, but being a jerk is
- Don’t forget to offer plenty of advice on how they can fix all their problems
Our words can hurt more than they help.
None of the above suggestions seemed to help my husband this week when I tried them all out on him. The irony is that I sincerely meant to help encourage and uplift.
He took it like a trooper. Quietly.
I’m not sure, but his shoulders might have visibly dropped 2 inches from all my suggestions.
In retrospect, those were my knee-jerk personal frustrations.
It didn’t matter they were all on his behalf; that I genuinely wanted him to be treated fairly. My approach was decidedly unhelpful.
“People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.” John C. Maxwell
How do I encourage my husband when he’s down?
Are we remembering not to beat them up?
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- Proverbs 26:12 “There is more hope for fools than for people who think they are wise” Let me not be self-assured that my counsel is RIGHT. Don’t be a fool
- James 1:19b “But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” Let me be slow to speak, considering words that are not angry. It is never helpful
- Proverbs 21:13 “Watch your words and hold your tongue; you’ll save yourself a lot of grief” For you, and the recipient of hasty words
To truly encourage someone, we need awareness that every word we speak either fuels the fire OR comforts the weary.
5 Encouraging messages your husband needs to hear
- I appreciate _________ about you
- You are so important to me because_____________
- I find you desirable
- Thank you for working hard for your family
- I won’t give up on you
Even when words are not the love language of our husband, they really DO matter to a man who wonders if his wife sees what HE considers the best contributions to your marriage. Whatever those are, taking the time to find out?
It can change things for the better ♥.
Books on marriage I’ve liked:
- What’s It Like to Be Married to Me?: And Other Dangerous Questions
- The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective
- Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
- Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
- To Love, Honor, and Vacuum: When You Feel More Like a Maid Than a Wife and Mother
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Oh, Christa! Been there, done that…What a great piece of introspection!
Loved this post. The transparency helps me see when I have done the same thing. And I appreciate you wanting to help us by being so vulnerable. Thank you for this post.
Great thoughts Christa! Why is it that misery loves company and it is so easy to join in? Thanks.
I find it ironic, in a funny way, tat your blog encourages us to “Speak Your Mind” right after reading this latest post. Maybe that isn’t always the best idea!
Well said. I often do the three you mentioned, and add a few more of my own creation.
Good tips & info. Thanks for sharing!