Attitudes can surely place us in uncomfortable situations, especially when we allow pride in marriage to take center stage.
Pride is an especially influential and dangerous position to flaunt. It is sneaky, often disguising itself asright or the way it should be.
A slippery slope.
What gives? As a rule, we are taught to develop pride. We are encouraged to take pride in our work, our studies, our social offerings.
While the feelings associated with pride can be beneficial (it is good to feel satisfaction about a job well done vs. dwelling on how awesome we are to have done it ), pride also has the potential to devastate.
Pride can crush a marriage.
We harbor perceived injustices and clutch them to our chest. Sometimes feeling as if that is all we have, that idea of being right.
As a young bride, pride ruled our marriage. Wrong me? Be ready for a fight.
I doubt it was a fair fight. I didn’t know the Lord; I desperately wanted to feel like I was in control of my situation.
My young husband was ill-equipped to handle my ego, as I was for his.
Fight Pride Not Each Other
My pride made me prejudiced against my husband’s ideas, his flaws, his imperfections.
His pride offered me flippancy, taunting, and dismissal.
Over the years I learned to live for Christ, instead of Christa. It took me stepping forward to battle my haughtiness rather than my husband.
Marriage flourished as my husband also grew to be generous of spirit. As he saw the changes in me, his interest in God helped him to battle his own issues, instead of his wife.
Together we work to keep our pride out of our relationship. It isn’t easy. It definitely isn’t a one-time win. We choose to keep fighting pride instead of each other.
Quit being a “right” fighter. There is no winning in marriage when you aren’t on the same team.
Isn’t pride a good thing?
The Bible overflows with examples of pride. Those people had the same heart issues we do. When I read these stories, it is appealing to distance them from my personal life.
After all, doesn’t our society place merit on pride? It seems natural to be proud of our accomplishments, but the Bible challenges us to take a different stance…
Proverbs 16:18 in the Message cautions,“First pride, then the crash- the bigger the ego, the harder the fall.”
It’s easy to become self-righteous and indignant- often over the same behavior we are guilty of.
How difficult it is to adore a husband deeply when our heart is weighted down with a “right-full” ego.
But Proverbs put the Word in plain English. Pride=Fall. The antonym of pride is humility.
Marriage advice regarding pride
With any marital disagreement, carefully examine our own motives. The Bible has loads of people being reprimanded for pride in their hearts, which then deceives them. Look closely
Think big. I have discovered a personal solution to end my marital riffs quickly. Taking time alone I consider the offense and ask myself, “If today was the last time I saw my husband, would I want this to be the way it ended?” My pride nourished the idea of leaving my husband years ago. I thank God that He taught me to ask myself, “Would you be willing to walk away forever?” The answer is a resounding no. It keeps my pride in check; I pray it might help your perspective shift as well
Ask God to search us. To change our hearts if we are holding on to perceived injustices. Catch that? We would all benefit from thinking on this perceived injustice. There are certainly times when we are wronged. My heart aches for women who are genuinely treated poorly. For others, it is easy to be prideful when feeling offended. Ask. God will show us, gently, if our injustices are real or overblown
Go to your husband and ask him what his perception of the situation is. It can be far different from our evaluation. Doing this after God reveals our own hidden hearts, can give us a receptive spirit to hear our spouse
Give your best to each other
Pride has a way of not just fueling a cold fire, but allowing us to be the only ones camping there. When wrong, but determined to hold onto a gripe for the sake of ego, life feels lonely.
Asking God to change this spirit isn’t effortless, for we are surprised to find that pride has infiltrated several areas of life.
Prune it. Throw it in the fire.
Our lives are rich and fulfilling when we take pride out of it. Humility is fertile ground for a deeper love. After almost 30 years together, we both are humbled with gratitude, as we consider our marriage today.
It can feel impossible to not let pride rule a marriage. Are you a master…or a work in progress at stepping back to objectively gauge the relationship? What makes it hard/easy for you?
P.S. While I am clearly a big advocate for working out your marriage (I’ve seen amazing turnaround on the impossible-seeming situation!) that doesn’t mean this advice applies to ALL marriages. If you are married to someone who abuses you, whether physically, psychologically, or emotionally? Get help, and if you need to, please get out for your safety ♥
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Update: Here we still are! After 30 years of marriage ♥ This is one fight worth sticking with!
Oh, this was so convicting! I love that you gave us four practical steps to take when battling pride, and the recommendation to ask God to search us really jumped out at me. I need to do this more! Thank you for posting.
Pride is such a sneaky sin! Thank you so much for your words of wisdom! Blessings, Misty
I agree, one of THE sneakiest perhaps. SO glad you stopped by today Misty. Bless you, Christa
Oh, this was so convicting! I love that you gave us four practical steps to take when battling pride, and the recommendation to ask God to search us really jumped out at me. I need to do this more! Thank you for posting.
My delight Julie, remember, I write about stuff I am learning the hard way myself. We are not alone in these reality checks. Blessings! Christa