Mom guilt: How to overcome a bad parenting day

Mom guilt: How to overcome a bad parenting day

She held out the burrito with a pleading look and reprimanding voice. You can’t have any more of the chips until you eat your burrito. He looked at her, spoke defiant two-year-old words, and kept eating the chips.

She, the mom, kept holding out the burrito in the air. Giving up. Please, she said. No more chips. He stared at her and took another. All the while the unwanted burrito hung in the air, confused over whether it was to be dinner or a duel.

She was tapped out.  Spaced out. Done.

I wanted to go hug her and tell her that life is hard, but this is just a moment. A blip on the mothering screen of raising a child who has learned he has opinions.  (And, carefully remove said burrito from her hands). That things will get easier.

Mamas sure do get stretched in all sorts of directions. On any given day you can be attacked with sticky fingers, kicked with defiant tantrum legs, teach the same math equation that you’ve worked on for 4 years to no avail.

Dinner can burn with all the fancy ingredients you bought specially to surprise someone. The smoke alarm can wake up the baby you hoped would nap for another 30 minutes so you might shower.  An insistent text can make us slap our forehead as we forgot that THIS was our day to drive the carpool.

Life can be really hard for a stretched-too-thin mother. When we learn to shift perspective a bit, we find that we can end a lousy day with hope instead of defeat. 

 

Fighting mom guilt on a bad day with your child

On any given day we are stretched, but we are not alone in it.  Mamas bear their overwhelm with a weary silence, just hoping they don’t blow up and show the kids how to really throw a tantrum!

The truth is, those hard days often have so many imperfectly beautiful moments wrapped up in the mundane. Weariness can defeat the most patient of saintly moms, so it is more than okay to admit that the rest of us get tired too!

That doesn’t have to characterize your day, or your value as a person today. Have you heard the saying, “Failure is an event…not a person”? This day does not define you. 

Sometimes all we need is a change of routine to see that things aren’t so bad after all.

 

 

Refreshing ideas to combat mom guilt

• Stop what you are doing and take a mommy time out.  Be honest that even big people need a  break to get in control of their feelings. Let the tears out if you have them, sit in the closet and pray or just go to the bathroom alone. Whatever allows you to feel like you can take a breath (read about mama self-care on Christ Centered Mama here)

 

• Change the scenery.  Surprise the kids and go outside with them for a walk or to a park. If they can grab a sketchpad, help them to draw what they see. It can distract them from the prior issues and help you both feel better with some fresh air. Whatever you enjoy, get out of the house for a break. Even if you don’t have access to a car, a walk provides plenty for a kid to imagine when they are drawing

 

• Turn up the music. When the kids are being loud, sometimes, it is fun to shock them by being louder. Want to burn off some energy? Put on some music and start dancing. The sillier the better. Kids will delight to see their mommy do the unexpected. No rhythm required.

 

 

• Give kids a challenge. Ask them to create a game and be enthusiastic about seeing what they come up with. You can even tie this to a chore. Once you finish ______, it will be SO fun to see you create a new game to play with me!  They feel special and you can both enjoy their creativity

• Hold your ground. Sometimes, you just need to stay steady. Kids thrive with rules and responsibility. If they are old enough to understand the concepts, maybe they need chores. One thing I learned as a kid…if I was too mouthy, my mom kept doling out chores. Ugh, I hated that! But it is about all that was effective. Find the currency that works with kids, but remember that YOU are in charge, not them.  It was super effective with my own children too

• Put on a movie. If it is a really tiring day? Show your kids how to make a fort, or have a “drive-in” night at home. Let them set it up even, and serve you! Kids often love that opportunity when we give them a chance

• Make a list and snap it twice. Celebrate every tiny moment that was a win today. Look at pictures and study those little faces, finding two things to love for every rough moment. They are there.

 

This day is redeemable- let go of mom guilt

So, where to go from here on a lousy day?  How can you turn the perspective from worst mother ever into something much more appropriate… a pretty good mom?

Let’s be really honest with each other. We aren’t perfect people, and sometimes mothering brings out all our sharp edges.

We blow it, our kids are turds, and we wonder what the heck we are doing and if they’ll turn out alright in the end. We drown in mom shame.

 

 

Let go of the pursuit of perfection and settle for being a mom that shows up.

A mom that loves them fiercely. A mom that is funny and adventurous (easy to impress littles!) or a dancing machine. A mom that blows it but teaches valuable lessons in humility and saying they are sorry.

At the end of the day, let the mom guilt go. Stop beating yourself up for not being a superhero, but just a regular human.

In your kid’s eyes, you are so much more of a superhero than you’ll understand until they are older.

Tomorrow is a new day, let go of this one, so you can anticipate the hope of that one if its been rough.

You are amazing because you are real, invested, beautifully imperfect.

 

Lessons from another imperfect mom

My girls are grown now, and I am still learning how to let go. I don’t have this all figured out either. However, I do have the gift now of perspective. That is what I want to share with you!

I too beat myself up for not being perfect.

I too cried myself to sleep for being a crappy mother.

I too lost my temper and said the wrong things and was in over my head.

Galatians 6:9 – Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

In spite of all that, I was the perfect mom for my girls. Because those things that I perceived as failures, were just moments. Teaching tools.

They are not true indicators of the rest of me as a mama. The one who played and danced and created and invested her life into making theirs better.

We need to let our guard down, give each other a high five and say “way to keep at it!”.  What you are doing matters. Your ordinary, imperfect love is powerful and important.

I am for you mama. Do me a favor and share this with another mama in need of some hope today!

 

 

Resources to encourage you:

• Midnight Mom Devotional: 365 Prayers to Put Your Momma Heart to Rest
• Find Peace: A 40-day Devotional Journey For Moms
• How to Keep House While Drowning: 31 days of compassionate help
• Not Just A Mom: The Extraordinary Worth of Motherhood & Homemaking 
• Seriously Good Freezer Meals: 150 Easy Recipes to Save Your Time, Money and Sanity 
• Memory-Making Mom: Building Traditions That Breathe Life Into Your Home
• The Good Enough Mom
• Guilt-Free Mommy: Insights and Tools to Overcome Mommy Guilt
• Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms: Simple Ways to Stress Less and Enjoy Your Family More
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