The worst mom guilt-When You Almost Lose Your Child
17.5 years ago marked the worst day of my life.
Or, the best day.
I’m choosing the second option, mentally, but my heart struggles to let go of the “worst” feeling.
Worst day, worst fear almost realized.
We had just moved to the Portland area, and a new acquaintance offered to take us to the city and show us around. Portland has a mass transit system called the Max. The kids were ecstatic to ride this train, and it was a special day.
Until my daughter was gone.
One stop along the Max was below ground, accessible by elevator. We had gotten off to enjoy a side trip, and were preparing to ride one more time. I was holding the hand of my youngest, while my older daughter was behind us. I mean, right behind us.
A parent’s worst fear
In less than the span of a minute, near tragedy changed our life.
As I stepped onto the train, the door behind me swished shut. Too fast. I knew she could not have made it on in that time. She didn’t.
I turned around so fast and saw the closed doors. Her huge eyes stared at me with fear from the other side of the doors.
I desperately tried to open them, the other riders just stared. How could they watch me in panic, one child too few, and not try to help?
This underground station was empty, save my little girl. It was dark, no natural daylight to give her courage, just big eyes. Eyes that trusted me, locked with my own.
I tried to calmly put my hands up to the glass, motioning for her to step away from the rails.
We were helpless
This system is known for speed and efficiency, today was no exception. It took off, separating a mother and her child. And I was helpless. She was helpless.
She was the only person in sight on the other side of those doors. Alone.
My new friend somehow managed to contact the authorities, telling them our plight. There was no immediate solution; the next stop was xx miles. Excruciating minutes. The longest of my entire life. Surely the longest of a scared little girl.
Fighting off nausea and panic, I forced myself to think, think. What just happened? How was that possible? I tell you, it was so fast that even all these years later I wonder.
The train radioed back to security to come and stay with my daughter. The child I carefully trained in Stranger Danger. You know before I tell you what I was thinking.
The next train could bring a thief. A monster who would steal my child away to never be found. Who would see them, able to board any other route without us knowing?
My cautious girl would have been confused. Who do I trust? Is this stranger good, or that one?
Now, I need to share something really honest here
This day has haunted me for so long, that even thinking about it brings me to tears. Guilt wages war in my heart and soul. The trauma of “almost” is far-reaching, isn’t it?
When the next stop came, I grabbed my youngest and we ran out the doors, across a platform, to the other side. Waiting for what seemed like an endless amount of seconds, minutes, hours. Tick, tick, tick.
Please Lord, protect my daughter. Please Lord, protect my daughter.
Security did protect her that day. She didn’t cry until our train pulled in and she locked eyes with me again. Running to each other, weeping overtook us.
There are no words to convey the relief of holding the child you thought you lost.
We went home, stunned. I wept for days, she was quiet. Alone in my room I shook with the shock of almost losing my precious child.
Knowing I was the worst mother ever, incompetent.
Mom guilt and anxiety
I became the worst mother ever.
A loser who didn’t protect her own child. It was only seconds, which is all accidents take.
I failed. No matter what anyone said to attempt to comfort me, I knew it. Failure. My husband didn’t fault me; it was a fluke he said. That didn’t stop me from hating myself on his behalf for almost losing his daughter.
Because I knew…if the tales were reversed, that I might not be able to forgive him.
I am sharing this story for healing. Because whenever I see a picture of the ride before this ride, that happy girl, I cry again. This needs to stop.
Can you relate to those feelings? Your story is unique, but if you are a parent, then you have undoubtedly had a moment when you didn’t measure up (read my friend Kathleen’s story here).
A big time, royal, fracturing instance. I feel your pain. Do you feel mine?
She was ok, it is time to stop beating myself up. It is time for you to let go of your moment too. Please, we need to do this together.
Nothing is gained from self-punishment.
We are human, so capable of mistakes. I should have held her hand, why didn’t I? Such a diligent safety police mom I was, but it still wasn’t enough.
We are just human. Not superhuman, regular ol’ do the best we can people.
Fear is the equivalent of an emotional dungeon.
Capturing our freedom, while we rot in a cell telling ourselves we deserve to suffer.
How to overcome mom guilt
We are wrong to keep punishing ourselves for our best not being good enough.
I am not a failure. I am not a terrible mother. I am letting go of this, I hope you will let go of your “thing” too.
Nothing is gained from self-abuse.
But keeping our fears out in the open, what happens?
The shadows are pushed back and the light takes over. Let’s kick the fear out and extend ourselves a dose of compassion. Comfort ourselves as God would, eliminate the voice of the accuser that fills our heads with lies.
Freedom from lingering fear, I am taking the step. I hope you will come along.
Please, if you think someone could benefit from this story, will you share it today? Thank you so much.
Resources to encourage you:
- Midnight Mom Devotional: 365 Prayers to Put Your Momma Heart to Rest
- Find Peace: A 40-day Devotional Journey For Moms
- How to Keep House While Drowning: 31 days of compassionate help
- Not Just A Mom: The Extraordinary Worth of Motherhood & Homemaking
- Fierce Faith: A Woman’s Guide to Fighting Fear, Wrestling Worry, and Overcoming Anxiety
- Memory-Making Mom: Building Traditions That Breathe Life Into Your Home
- The Good Enough Mom
- Guilt-Free Mommy: Insights and Tools to Overcome Mommy Guilt
- Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms: Simple Ways to Stress Less and Enjoy Your Family More
- Disclosure: I only recommend products I do/would use myself. This post may contain affiliate links that at NO additional cost to you, may earn me a small commission to help support this blog. Read full privacy policy here.
Christa, you’ve done a powerful thing here. Releasing these words is releasing you form your nightmarish memory and providing freedom for others to do the same. Brave woman and so wise to know how important this piece is! Bravo, great mother!
Susie
Thank you Susie, that is so encouraging of you to say
My heart is racing just reading the story. I feel your pain, your anxiety, your guilt, because it is mine too. But I know that what you say is true, we did the best we could and there is no purpose in holding onto that guilt and shame. We are not incompetent parents. We are fallible human beings. You are a good mom and your daughters are really blessed to be have such wonderful parents.
Kathleen, you really helped me have the courage to tell my story
Beautiful
Thanks La
Christa, I’m not a parent, but I can only imagine what you were going through. And, it was an accident – it didn’t make you a bad parent.
I’m glad you wrote this, and let the healing begin. Your words, “She was ok, it is time to stop beating myself up. It is time for you to let go of your moment too. Please, we need to do this together. Nothing is gained from this self-punishment,” are powerful!
Blessings,
Joan
Appreciate that Joan, so very much
Christa,
Powerful. I’m certain this piece can release some guilt others are carrying around. Thanks for having the courage to write it.
Your courage inspires me to write truth
Nicely put. Funny thing is if you ask every mom you know they too probably have a similar story. Somehow I “lost” Zachary at a water park even though he was standing right next to me. To add insult to injury the first thing Sydney said to her dad when we got home was….”mommy lost Zachary today.” Good news of course is he was just fine and I was the panicking mess when I found him. To this day I can tell you exactly what he was wearing as it’s ingrained in my brain permanently. Thank you for sharing, it’s nice to know I’m not alone.
So true Nancy, so true. How sad that they all beat themselves up for it too. Be hard to lose him now with his growth spurt! My goodness girl, me love you long time
Christa, my heart went out to you. How you must have suffered in those minutes that felt like hours! I used to beat myself up all the time for not being a good mum (in my own eyes), so desperate was I to move away from the inadequate role modelling of my own parents. Finally, I had counselling to recover from my painful past and one of the messages that hit me hard was how we can only ever hope to be “good enough parents”. Our fallen humanity makes perfection an unattainable goal. Yet with God’s help, we can be the best parents, spouses, friends and carers possible as we rely on His equipping for those roles.
You suffered needlessly for an incident not of your own making. Grace covers all these things and so much more. I’m so pleased you have chosen the path of grace and released healing forgiveness toward yourself.
Joy, thank you for sharing your experience and the truth of grace. Sounds like we have something in common about wanting to be a great mom and realize we just do the best we can
One day my husband came home after work. He asked me where our daughter was. She was about 6 at the time. I thought she was in her room. Then I panicked. I looked in the back yard. I screamed through the house. My husband got the idea to push the button on the fire alarm. The loud alarm woke my daughter up from a sound sleep. She had crawled under the covers of our unmade bed. It just looked like an empty bed. I felt horrible that I didn’t even know she was missing. You do never forget those times.
I’m so glad that your story turned out well. I know that terrifying feeling.
My heart raced just thinking of those moments for you! Bet she was scared too
What a heart-wrenching story–torn between incredible guilt for having it happen and also incredible relief for having her safe and sound–thanks to people who care. Parents aren’t perfect–but most show up to parenthood with a loving heart. I know it’s hard, but I would shift your focus to the lessons learned and stop beating yourself up so much for it. Your child learned she can live through her fears and she did great! Your child learned strangers can be kind and look out for others. I always think that Spirit/God gives us challenges throughout our lives and these challenges provide lessons in which we learn. Instead of going over the experience, we can take from it the lesson (no, you aren’t a “bad” parent–you took charge and had someone come watch over her. I think the only “bad” thing that could have happened is if you didn’t learn from this or if you turned your anger at yourself onto her) that was provided for you. Thank you for sharing this with readers. I think it takes courage to know you may be judged for this, yet you want other parents to know we are all human. These things happen–onward and upward!
Nicole ♥ Thank you for the encouraging words. I hope other parents who read this will take away the same smile I have right now
I can totally relate! Something similar happened to my son when he was 6 years old. We joined thousands of people on the streets to watch the biggest mardi gras in our country and we lost him! My husband was holding his hands and we were in an area where there were fewer people. My husband let go of his hands for a few seconds and when he was about to hold my son again, our little boy was no longer there. We were both in shock and I was near hysterics. I was crying and scared that we will never find him again. Thankfully we did, just a few meters from us was a police booth and he was there, seated, giving his personal information to this kind lady officer. I cried harder when we were finally reunited but my son was composed. He did tell me though that he was scared on the inside. We laughed after that but that was the worst day of our lives as parents. So thankful that we taught him to find a police or a security officer should he get lost in the past. Whew!
What is it about reading another parent’s story you can totally relate? I actually leaned in closer to read your words, waiting for the relief of a happy ending! So glad he was safe
I’ve only just become a mother recently, and i can only imagine what was going through your mind in that moment. I know it’s hard not to think about what you could have done differently, to go through the “What if’s.” It sounds to me like you are a very caring, loving parent…and a human! I’m glad, though, she was ok.
Thank you Bev, we sure all want to do our best. It is tough when our best isn’t comforting. I hope as a new mother, you will remember that there will be times where you are awesome and times that could have been better. Those rough times? They won’t make you a lesser mom :), far from it
I am crying as I type this because it can happen to any mom. Just a split second and you’re looking at your wide-eyed child as you ride away. So scary. It’s not your fault, and I’m glad you’re writing about this experience because I’m sure others can relate. This is what we write about in The Mother of All Meltdowns book (sorry for the self-promo, but it relates!). Those moments where we are at our worst, but we recover and are better moms for it.
Happy SITS Day! Glad I found you. 🙂
No, I am glad you share the book title! We need all the encouragement we can get. I like the title, I put myself in “Mommy time out” many times as I had my own meltdowns over the years 🙂
What a beautiful story. As mothers we tend to beat ourselves up for so much because it’s so hard for us to realize that we are only human. As I mourn the loss of my child I too wonder what I could have differently to have saved him. It was driving me insane! But I realized that some of these things are completely out of our hands. I am so glad to hear of your happy ending. I am sure you’re doing a great job!!
(((Christie)))) Bless you, I am so sorry for your loss. I would love for you to check out http://stumblingtowardsperfect.blogspot.com/ She is my husband’s cousin, a fantastic writer, and lost her daughter recently. She writes very candidly
OH that’s one of my biggest fears and horrors – my son is 6 and when we go out i watch him like a hawk because I also don’t think I could forgive myself if I even came close to losing sight of him. So glad nothing happened to your daughter and that everything is OK. It is important to forgive ourselves for our mistakes – sometimes things happen to remind us of their value and how precious they are. Hope you are able to forgive yourself in time and let go of that haunting memory! Have a wonderful day and Happy SITS Day! -Iva
Thank you Iva, surprisingly and happily, writing about it was extremely therapeutic ♥
I’m glad it all turned out well! As a parent I’m sure we all have had those failure moments that just kill you. It happens but it’s still hard to not feel like you are a failure when you look back on them.
Isn’t that the truth! Parenting is not for sissies 🙂 Thank you for coming over today Krystle!
Wow, that’s so scary! But it could happen to anyone, honestly. It’s not as though you failed, it was an accident. As a foster mom, I work with kids whose parents truly have failed, and not by accident. You should release yourself from the guilt! You did the right thing when a bad thing happened. That’s all you can do.
Oh, and I TOTALLY know the feeling of, “If my husband had let this happen…”. We’ve talked about that many times!
Not easy conversations are they? I am so glad, thankful, for your willingness to foster parent. It is an important and difficult job. May you be blessed
Oh how horrific! This is every mother’s worst nightmare. I cannot even imagine what those minutes felt like for you. I’m so glad the ending was a happy one and that God’s hand was on it. Phew. Oh boy. My heart is racing for you!
It is good to look back and see God’s hand easily, it makes us have extra compassion too for those whose story ends differently
Wow, what a heart-wrenching experience for you to go through! It’s good to see you are realizing that it was a mistake, and it’s over. We can never be perfect and we never know when accidents might happen. I’m so thankful that she was safe and hope you truly have been able to let the guilt go. It’s okay now. 🙂
Welcome Kimberly, thank you for joining the conversation. I am glad you are here
So scary, but I am so happy that everything turned out okay. But it’s definitely one of those things that is hard to forget and hard to forgive of yourself. Having an experience of being left behind when I was a child – it was scary, but I’m much older now, and hardly remember that moment. I think it’s easier for the child to forget than the parent.
Thanks for the beautiful post!
That must put this kind of story in a whole new perspective for you! Thank you for sharing that encouragement
Oh my goodness! Reading this brought tears to my eyes! What a terrifying experience.
Something similar nearly happened to me when I was 6 years old and on a trip to DC with my family. I dashed onto a train not realizing my family wasn’t going to get on that one because it was too full. My mom reached through the doors and pulled me out just as they were shutting. Two seconds slower and who knows what would have happened. So scary!
Ugh, just thinking of your situation made the hairs on my arm stand up. DC is such a big place! I bet your mom never forgot that moment either
Thanks so much for this post, you are very brave for sharing such a personal and painful experience.
I had a similar experience with my daughter that’s still very hard for me to deal with… We had just moved into our new place about a year and a half ago, and my daughter was 4 years old. We had only been there 3 days and I was busy with unpacking, so I got her set up to watch a movie in the living room while I was in my room working. About 15 minutes later, I went to check on her and she was gone. GONE. GONE… She had unlocked the back door, dead-bolt and all, and wandered out of our un-fenced back yard. My daughter has Autism, and at the time she was very hard to understand, so I knew she couldn’t communicate what she needed to get help. In addition to that, she is has a high tactile sensitivity, so she had taken off the clothes I put on her that morning and was only wearing a pull up diaper. IN THE SEARING HEAT OF SUMMER. We live on a small side street, but she had wandered out into the middle of a nearby busy 4 lane road. Without drawing out the whole horrifying story more, she was saved and had no injuries (except for some blisters on her little feet)…
I still struggle with how to feel about myself. I nearly died giving birth to this wonderful person, and in an instant – I nearly lost her again. Since this happened, I’ve learned a lot about keeping my daughter safe. We immediately installed locks at the top of all outer doors, and I’m absolutely vigilant (ok, paranoid) with keeping them locked! One comfort I’ve had is in my research about children with Autism. I learned that it is extremely common for Autistic children to wander off, so it’s helped to temper the anger I’ve felt towards myself.
This is the first time I’ve shared this story, and it’s because of your courage to share what you went through that I felt it was ok to share my feelings, too. Thank you for that. I wish you all the best and hope we have the chance to visit again soon. 🙂
Andrea, I am going to email you about this one…thank you so much for sharing
Thank you for posting this. I actually came across this story because I’m looking for ways to come to terms with what I just went through. Last night I was at my parents house, and as I was getting prepared to start heading back home I noticed that my 3 year old daughter wasn’t anywhere in sight. So I went to the usual bedrooms I’d find her lounging around in. But quickly went into panic when I saw she was not in any of them. I screamed her names, along with my parents, grandma and cousin. My little girl did not respond. We all swept the entire house countless times while yelling her name. I cried to my parents “what do I do, what do I do.” We all ran outside like chickens with no heads. Scouring the block. Some of the neighbors ran outside to help me. I just fell on the concrete helpless, with the 911 operator on the phone. My mom sped off in her car in search of my baby. It didn’t feel real. As the 911 operator asked me what my little girl was wearing before she went missing, my head was spinning as I was in disbelief that this was happening to me. I thought my world was over. The helicopter light came over our block and it became more real. My mom drove back with the police behind her. One of the officers ran into the house to check every possible space. I was on the floor, completely helpless. It could have been a few minutes, when all of the sudden I heard the words, “we found her, we found her!” Half of the details were blocked from my memory so I don’t remember who brought her outside to me. I ran to her and grabbed her. My cousin found her fast asleep under a blanket in my parents room. She’s so tiny that nobody saw her. Although I was in complete relief I have not been able to shake off the dread this experience brought to me. It was hands down the WORST feeling I have ever experienced in my entire life. Although I didn’t really lose her, I did lose her for those moments where it all happened. And I’ll tell you, I always thought as a parent I could totally imagine the terror or losing a child, but it is NOT possible unless you’ve experienced it yourself. Although I’m still traumatized to my core, I understand the importance and knowing your child’s whereabouts at all times…and how valuable and precious our children really are. I could never imagine my life if she was really gone. I don’t know how I will get past the guilt and horror of what happened, but I only wish that it helps me improve as a mom.
Crystal, oh my…I have goosebumps all over feeling for you and how terrible that experience was. I am SO happy for the outcome. Listen, please, YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM. I understand the feeling, it crushed me for a long time. But that is a lie. You will come to a place of peace again, you will. I trust ALL things we go through with our young ones keep us growing and improving, but it is traumatizing, and I pray today that turns into relief instead of that nagging lie of fault. Bless you, thank you for sharing
Thank you for this. Today was the day it happened to me. We were playing outside, 8 was bringing in stuff from the car and when I put it down and turned around my 2 year old son was gone. No where. 911 was busy for what seemed like forever (probably 4 minutes- what did I know of time then.) got hold of husband. Got home of my mother. Screaming, sobbing “why can’t I find him? Why can’t I find my baby?lWalked to the front of the house waiting for police to come. 20 minutes. 30 minutes. The worst running through my mind. How would I cope? Would his brother remember once having a brother? Would my marriage survive? A couple walked by my house with him in their arms, looking for his parents. I fell to my knees sobbing. My little baby- who I thought I would never see again, reached for me and laughed. He was having a great adventure. I’m still sobbing an hour later. I’m a horrible mother. I know I’m not, by that voice… it’s my fault.
Oh Kate, I wish I could wrap my arms around you and give you a big hug. Fault is a huge word, and I don’t think it is one you need to carry. What you were doing was normal, everyday life. What we ALL do. Don’t own that label of blame. You are doing a good work and I praise God today that your sweet boy was returned to you unharmed. God bless you and thank you for sharing. Please, cry it all out and then let it go. Celebrate the joy of another day ♥
Oh God, I was one of those parents who thought “that would never happen to me”…and today it did.
We went ice skating and then went for coffee and donuts with a couple of friends who have a daughter that is friends with our 6 yo. son. But it’s my 15 month old baby girl I lost. We sat in a table while the kids were playing around us. I saw my little girl walking with the older kids and then I got so caught up in our conversation I swear I forgot I had a baby to watch after!!!… I was only looking at my son and his friend. I can’t forgive myself
Suddenly a man came to our table and said “hey there’s a little girl over there…” I can’t remember the rest. It must have been like 10 minutes that I lost her. Thank God for him. Him and a woman he was with caught her…my baby was calm in her arms, not crying or anything and I never felt the terror you felt because I never noticed she was missing in the first place! Oh my God my head can’t stop thinking of all what could have happened and how does one go on with one’s life after losing a child in such a silly way? 🙁 I feel so terrible. Thank you for sharing your story, and although I’m still panicked I’ve definitely learned from this. I always feel so much fear when I go out with the kids by myself, but today I learned it’s when you’re out with other people when you must be more aware because your mind is distracted.
OH Mary, I am SO sorry you had to know that panic, and extremely happy to hear of the outcome. Please, I KNOW how hard it is to give yourself grace, but you must work hard to do so. We are just humans doing the best we can, and let’s take “lessons learned (and never to be forgotten)” and thank God for your precious child and you going home together
Thank you so much for sharing your story and thank you everyone else who shared too an commented and left replies. I am so glad it turned out fine. I am 65 my kids are in their 40s I was 18 and 22 respectively when my son and daughter were born. I have a couple stories each kid that I just cringe and swear I almost fall apart just remembering the incidences. Thank goodness my two kids are alive and healthy that’s all I have to say. I was young I meant well but there were a couple of close calls. My precious kids oh Lord it is enough to make you break out in a complete panick 40 years later. Maybe I’ll share the actual stories one day. Thank you again.
Hello Jennifer! I really appreciated you taking time to share your perspective and how you are celebrating their lives now…while still acknowledging the pain of “what could have been”. How I pray that this type of honesty between women helps heal young moms who fear they are the only ones who aren’t perfect. Because in fact, NONE of us are
Im so happy i came across this. Today I had the worst day of my life. My husband invited his family to come to the park with us and fly kites. When all of the sudden I’m talking to my sister in law looking at my oldest daughter flying the kite with my husband and my 1 1/2 old daughter with his godfather… her and I got so into our conversation that not even 3 min passed of us talking and my youngest daughter is not with his godfather. I stopped and told asked my sister in law “Where’s Ary? I don’t see her?” And we looked so hard trying not to panick and thank God she was standing close to us. It was the longest 20 secs ever!!!! Yet I grabbed her and cried so hard cause I knew I needed to be more attentive. Thank you because I was feeling like the worst mom ever!!!
OH Veronica, I am so sorry for this traumatic experience…and completely understand how those seconds must have felt like slow motion…and forever at the same time. I am SO thankful that Ary is safe! Just reading this brings me to tears and makes me feel glad again for the opportunity to share this story. Because we need to know we aren’t the only ones. Again, overwhelmed with you and thankful
I lost my child for 3 min (felt like forever) today at Wal-Mart and it was the worst feeling in the world. He ran from me so fast and went into the aisle next and just like that he was gone. They called code adam through the speakers, i was yelling his name, searching everywhere for him until they announced that they found him through the speakers . i felt a huge relief but i was so embarrassed everyone was shaking their heads at me and whispering things. I Bet they all thought i was the worst mom ever. I love my son to death i felt like i failed him.
Monica, every time I hear of a story like this my body STILL tenses up and I get tears…because I have such empathy for parents who know this fear. They can move so very fast, that must have been horrible. And the people who were whispering? Perhaps they were really only knowing that it could have been them…their child. Thankful with and for you
It’s 4am and I have been up for over an hour. I woke up to the baby monitor beeping because the camera was off. I knew something was up and went to check on my son. The cord was wrapped around his neck twice. We’ve kept his crib away from the wall, but it just wasn’t far enough. I don’t know how I’ll sleep with this “what ifs” weighing so heavily on my heart. I’m so grateful that tomorrow isn’t the day it could have been for us, but I am petrified of what may have happened. I’ve already ordered a cordless monitor thats price will be worth the peace of mind. I just hope I can move forward from this trauma.
Caroline, my heart aches for you! That is really scary, and I am both sorry it happened and THANKFUL beyond words that you followed your gut and it turned out as it did. Please know that it can take time for mama’s to let go of the “what ifs”, but this does NOT define you in any way as a parent. Every single, EVERY parent has experiences they feel terrified about with their kids. Sure the degrees might vary, but I pray you will be able to let go of those lies that grip our hearts so deeply. Thank you for sharing, and with time, you can move beyond the very real emotional reactions. God bless you in your processing, and I celebrate with you that your precious son is safe ♥
Today my oldest had a cross country meet (her 3rd one and I was finally able to attend) afterwards, she wanted to stay and watch the boys on her team so she could cheer them on too . I wanted to leave because our 19 month old was getting cranky but we were there to support our oldest this was her day. Well… after the boys finished it was chaos there were people everywhere but I had asked my mother (their mimi) to watch the baby while I passed out drinks to her teammates … then all of a sudden my mom is like “where’s the baby” . Turns out she thought that I was watching & I thought she was watching her… My nightmare had just come true. The 45 seconds of agony were absolutely horrible as I looked around in sheer panic . Fortunately she had made her way across a field and my oldest spotted her . I feel like the worst mom in the universe tonight but reading this has helped me find peace.
I am so sorry for your heart and that horrible day. That would be the worst kind of panic for a mama’s heart, the worst! I am so thankful for her safety and return to your arms. My heart just ached to read your story, because you are NOT the worst mama. Truly. Thank you for sharing your story, and I am glad you found comfort in reading this. God bless you and keep you
Thank you for this. Tonight I cant sleep thinking about what ifs. I was on the bus with my 2 kids and the pram. My 3 year old wants to sit on the bus and I let her. On our stop, she dashed out in front of the bus and cross the busy road. I was screaming for her to stop while she excitedly say ” mommy look, its halloween” wanting to show me my neighbours decorations. All the while this is happening, my 9 year old autistic daughter panicked and wanted to follow me and cross the road. Thankfully the bus driver screamed for her to stop. I was traumatised and crying histerically once i reached my house. My legs feels like jelly and i cant sleep. I am still traumatised and trying to make peace with what has happened.
Oh Lalila, thank you for sharing your story with me. I got goosebumps and my heart immediately felt for your mama’s panic. What a scary day. I thank the Lord your children (and YOU) are safe! Please, don’t hang on to the guilt over a thing that could happen to anyone. It was scary, but you are NOT a bad mama. You are a loving mama, who sprang into action. The trauma feeling will fade, and I encourage you to work hard to replace the condemnation thoughts with that idea. God bless you!