When Your Husband Travels For Work, And You Are Barely Hanging On

Last year posed a gazillion new challenges in our family.

None of them welcome. Not a single one voluntary.

My husband was assigned to work out of state for back-to-back, multiple-month sessions. Often he’d be able to come home only every two weeks for a weekend. If we were lucky, it was every week.

Can I tell you how fast a weekend goes when you have desperately missed your husband?

Maybe you already know, having been there too.

How quickly the hours pass when your children need time with him too? When he hasn’t seen a friend for months and you hope to fit that in when possible. Then, of course, there are all the household things that have to be attended to.

Two days pass quickly. Chaos isn’t considerate about waiting till your husband is home to help.

Look for unexpected humor to balance out the days

One day while he was gone, my child came running to me, exclaiming, “There’s a bird in the fireplace!”  My immediate thought was impossible. (Oh please God)  I was wrong.

Closer examination revealed a tiny set of eyes peeking out from under the log. Fuzzy little feathers floated around, where it had attempted escape. Undoubtedly terrified.

We have a gas fireplace with a closed in glass front. I was stumped.

Think Christa, Think! I reprimanded myself as I tried to look brave and smart in front of my kids. As if I’d done this before and knew what to do.

Trying to appear confident we fetched tools and I logically thought to unscrew the glass and take it from there.

I am not by nature a logical person, and by now I was racking a serious headache trying to play up my husband’s strengths as if I owned them.

Mentally cursing “fricken fracken $*(&#)@”.

We couldn’t just leave that helpless creature, that much was clear.  I proceeded to take off the grate below the glass and look for some screws.

Here is a friendly service reminder, should you ever be in this position: gas fireplaces are in a metal box, screwed in. Be careful what you choose to unscrew, I found out later I almost took off the wrong screws completely.

It’s okay to call a lifeline

Unsuccessful, I placed an urgent phone call to my friend, whose husband graciously offered to rush over. What relief! What a friend!

We taped up a sheet, with the intent to box the bird in and gently take him outside. He was able to open the fireplace, the bird flew out- out the crack on the side of the sheet!

Now several of us are trying to figure out where this bird is. Zoom, in the kitchen. Zoom, up the stairs.

We all followed as our hero trapped the bird in a bedroom.  He persevered in catching it and came hurriedly toward the stairs, out to the door. He freed the captive, and our hearts breathed a sigh of relief.

I didn’t have my husband to help me, but thankfully a friend’s husband was willing to stand in the gap that day.

Allow others to stand in the gap

And men? Do that. Stand in the gaps when you find them. You might bind up that last thread of sanity a woman alone is clinging to.

The bird was safe and free, and our friend didn’t stop there. He carefully cleaned our fireplace before reassembling it. He wanted to bless my husband, one less thing to do.

It was an insignificant thing to do, he said, but to us? It gave me the comfort to get through the week.

 Traveling spouses create difficult circumstances. Hard for the ones left behind, lonely for the one who must travel. 

Yes, he can have steak dinners and no chores. And then come home, alone, to a drab quiet hotel room instead of the love and life of his family.

Practical Tips When Your Husband Travels For Work

If you are alone this week, I want you to know I get it. I feel for you ♥

*  Don’t give up. Allow yourself to grieve the time lost as a unit. Be gentle with each other, times like these will challenge you to the core. It is possible to come out even stronger, to gain an intimacy that only comes after suffering hardships together.

*  Go easy on yourself when you blow it with the kids, ignore your friends for weeks at a time as you cry yourself to sleep. When you and your spouse bicker because of the sheer tension of the situation, and realize you have wasted precious minutes.When it takes all you have just to throw some frozen fish sticks on the table. Again.

*  Read Courtney’s article. Confide in trusted friends, and for cryin’ out loud—let people help you! Tell them, specifically, what they can do. The people who love you feel helpless, they’ll be glad to have a way to lighten your load.

*  There is no shame in asking for help (says the person who is continually learning this. I am a reformed trained professional at NOT asking).

*  Learn what it means to lean on Jesus.  This experience allows a unique time for trusting God in a new way.

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. Matthew 11:28-30

It’ll get better. These times will too pass. Are you in this situation now, perhaps feeling alone?

Marriage hope:

• What’s It Like to Be Married to Me?: And Other Dangerous Questions 

• Help, I’m Drowning: Weathering the Storms of Life with Grace and Hope

• Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs

• Couples Therapy Workbook: 30 Guided Conversations to Re-Connect Relationships 

• Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage 
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